family feeding dynamics

please check out my new blog and website

2010-11-01T07:53:00.001-07:00

I will no longer be posting at blogspot, but I will keep up the archives until I can figure out how to transfer it all.

Please update any blog feeds and tell your friends!

www.familyfeedingdynamics.com/blog/

pediasure, picky eating, low weight and desperate parents

2010-10-29T08:06:00.000-07:00

A reader called me out on some lazy writing (excerpted with permission from a private email) on the Pediasure post... This is long, but if you are struggling with feeding, picky eaters or low weight concerns, read on...

"Hi, I just recently started following your blog. It was miraculous to me. My daughter (5) is an extremely limited eater. The amount of stress and despair this was causing in our household cannot be underestimated. Feeding your child is primal, it is a fundamental responsibility of parents to provide food, and when your child won't eat, it is devastating.
The "division of responsibility" and taking the pressure off was a godsend to us. I borrowed Ellyn's book from the library, and we are working at removing the pressure, tweaking our mealtimes etc. and we are seeing progress. (Little bits, her commenting on food smelling good, her moving to eating grilled cheese sandwiches that have a little bit of mozzerella mixed with the other cheese etc.)
We take full responsibility for how our daughter ended up such a poor eater. She was a tiny baby (not premature, just small), she didn't breastfeed well, and didn't move to solid food well. She was and probably always will be skeptical of new food. So we made the classic mistakes, we were so concerned about the amount she was eating, that we "coned" down her food to only serve foods she ate a lot of, which, of course, are now the only foods she eats. We were so freaked out about variety that we tried again and again to get her to try foods, laying on the pressure, lots of fighting. Exhausting and stressful for everybody.
The information that I could find or that was available in magazines, and books that I read (unfortunately, I didn't stumble upon Ellyn's book) was completely unhelpful. Hide veggies in her meatballs (she won't eat meatballs, and it is hard to hide veggies in plain noodles with butter on them.) Just "make them eat" --- that one just gets me every time ...
Parents today are really pressured. 'Make sure your child is getting enough of all the nutrients.' (One book I read said that children (aged 4-8) should eat 8 to 10 servings of vegetables a day, a serving size being 1/2 cup - my child doesn't eat that much food in a day, let alone of vegetables!)
So today, when I read your post, I have to say that I was hurt. I was hurt that you described parents who use Pediasure as lazy, as wanting to take "the easy way". I don't use Pediasure, I've considered it but they only sell it in big expensive packs, and I wasn't sure she would like it. Plus, I wasn't sure that I wanted to have her drinking some sweet concoction, I want her to eat, and be healthy and enjoy food.
But those parents who do ... they aren't lazy, they are desperate and they are worried, and they love their children as much as you love yours. They want their child to be healthy, and they feel the weight of the pressure. *(I totally agree)
I'm sure some of them are making feeding mistakes, but I'm sure that lots of them do meal plan and have regular meals and snacks, and have children that are "underweight" or "problem eaters" and they talked to a doctor or nutritionist or a grandmother or a neighbor who suggested they try Pediasure. So all these people, myself included, love their children and are trying to do what "experts" tell them is "best" and end up more screwed up.

Couldn't Pediasure (or like products) be used by parents to help them take the pressure off? If they were feeling more confident that nutritional needs were being met somewhat, would that help them take the pressure off at mealtimes? My daughter enjoys vegetable muffins (healthy, low-fat, high-fiber, muffins. I make them with pumpkin or carrot or zucchini, she enjoys them and takes them in her lunch to school.) This helps me, and my husband, not panic when at dinner she decides not to have a carrot stick or only nibbles the flowerets off one piece of broccoli, I know she is getting some vegetable nutrients in her day.
Anyway, I just wanted to say my piece. Thank you for your blog, it is really helping us. Progess is slow, and of course we messed her up so much that it is probably going to be a really slow go to getting her on track. But I used to look ahead and know, in my bones know, that she was going to be anorexic some day, that the amount of power struggles around food was going to be our doom, and not know what to do. And now, I am starting to feel hope, hope that someday she will eat normally, have some likes and dislikes, eat too much one day, and too little another, and most off all not stress about it.

P.S. I was a picky child (though really just a mostly normal child who liked a fair amount of things, as long as they were plain). My husband was an extremely picky child (only ate grilled cheese and chicken noodle soup for about 10 years). Now we both eat a huge variety of foods, lots of different vegetables, grains, fruits and meat. My husband's favourite food is sushi! I don't care for it though ... I don't like the taste of seaweed, and I still don't care for fish even after all these years."

Dear Reader,

Thank you for your thoughtful email.
I am so sorry that you felt hurt by my comment. I am sorry for all the worry you have gone through around feeding. I am sorry that the system failed you and did not provide help (and likely heightened your anxieties) all along the way– when your daughter was born small, had trouble with breast-feeding, trouble with solids etc. I see so many times when you could have been helped perhaps...

Back to my post. I write my posts quickly and not often with the most thorough thinking! I am angry and upset precisely because desperate parents are tossed a bottle of Pediasure, with no help, no direction on how to really address or solve the underlying problem. As my friend said, "We felt like we were circling a black hole. Things were getting so bad and we just needed someone to pull us out of it." We shouldn't just be throwing bottles of Pediasure down that hole!

Another reader illustrated my concerns:
"Pediasure was recommended to me from a physician when I tried to discuss my child's picky eating issues. We used it at meal times. It filled him up. He didn't want or need to eat any other foods at dinner. Almost two years later, I have banned it from my house and am now struggling with an even older and pickier eater thanks to that ill advice. Wish I had learned about D of R long ago. We're almost 3 months in to D of R and he's yet to try something new, but my 5 year old has and that gives me hope..."

This is precisely what I am upset about. The family goes in for help. The untrained expert "helps" the best she knows how and problems continue and worsen...

I do what I do because I know parents are desperate, are trying hard, are consumed with worry, are scared beyond belief. I did not mean to call parents lazy who use Pediasure.

Parents are desperate and will do what they can to help their children.
I do think that the medical professionals are ignorant and pressed for time in that they recommend Pediasure without a thorough understanding of the situation. They have no knowledge about how to even ask about the feeding atmosphere. It's simply not on their radar (I generalize based on my own experiences, experiences with teaching those in the profession and my client and reader experiences...)

These parents are not lazy at all. In fact they are consumed with worry and expend huge amounts of energy, often in a counterproductive way to help kids with eating. It doesn't have to be so hard!

My anger, disappointment and accusations are almost 100% directed at the health professionals and the advertisers for Pediasure.

I hope that clarifies things...

I do think there can be a role for Pediasure but with extreme caution. If children will drink it without pressure, if it helps parents relax and back off pressure, if there is a real concern about nutrients (you would be amazed how many really picky eaters are actually meeting nutritional requirements when there is a full 7 day intake analysis) and if it is given within a framework of addressing feeding in the best way possible, meaning sit-down snacks and meals and no grazing, DOR etc. It's simply not fair for desperate parents to be given half-measures that may actually make matters worse.

Please let me know if I didn't get to your concerns, and thank you for writing. I am so glad that you are seeing progress with your daughter. Your words help me keep doing what I do.

I hope my laziness with my blog today won't put you off from reading my blog!

Hang in there, and great news that you and your husband have expanded your tastes! Your daughter is lucky to have two such loving and considerate parents.

Katja

readers, what do you think?

Pediasure-the answer to all your feeding worries!

2010-10-28T07:08:00.000-07:00

I'm a little more than dismayed at the ads recently for Pediasure. It plays on the worst fears of parents. "Be 110% sure!" (My goodness, Timmy didn't eat the food pyramid yesterday. That could effect his brain development! I need to do something! Or Becky is at the 3rd percentile, and the doctor is threatening me with a 'failure to thrive' diagnosis! Help!)

On TV , a pyramid of wholesome foods float in the air. Slowly, foods disappear from the pyramid as little Ashley refuses to eat more and more foods. Phew! Thank goodness there is Pediasure which magically floats in and fills the holes!

Did you watch the ad? Please do, then answer these questions:

How do you feel about your kids eating? Anxious? Worried?
Do you want to "feed your child's potential?"
What if your child IS missing some nutrient. It can't hurt can it?
What emotion are they attacking? Guilt? Are they reassuring or fear-mongering?
What if my child's development is being effected!

OK, and why is it that in all the ads (I watched them) the kids don't eat any real food, but all LOVE the taste of Pediasure...

How could you NOT "feed your kids potential."

The quick fix. The prescription (literally) for picky or small kids. Many physicians who don't have the time or training to address feeding problems, will recommend Pediasure. WIC (supplemental food assistance for women, infants, children) participants need a prescription.

At a recent WIC workshop, a nutritionist mentioned that there are "great recipes" using Pediasure. When asked if she had ever tried any, she said, 'no.' I wouldn't either. The dietitians bemoaned that fact that the docs all rush to Pediasure and don't address feeding at all.

Yummo! Cooking with Pediasure! (Sarcasm in case you missed it.)

Here is an example of a recipe...
Banana-Chip Muffins (not endorsed by FFD...)

Ingredients

1 14-oz package Pillsbury^® Banana Quick Bread & Muffin Mix

1 8-fl-oz bottle Vanilla or Banana PediaSure
1/2 cup vegetable oil
2 large eggs
1/2 cup miniature chocolate chips

Are the recipes balanced, or a way to sell more products owned by the umbrella company...

I don't deny that there are some children who really do need nutritional support or even exclusive or supplemental tube feeds (those with certain rare medical or physical conditions,) but that is not who Pediasure is marketing to. They are marketing to the average parent who worries about nutrition, who struggles with feeding and likely a picky child. I would also guess there is an army of attractive sales reps making the rounds with free lunches to pediatricians offices too...

My friend, who's child fell of the growth curve after a GI illness was instructed to offer food all day long with Pediasure being the central food. She literally chased her toddler around with a sippy-cup full of Pediasure for weeks. It didn't help and intake continued to suffer. A feeding clinic work-up later, and they were basically sent home with a list of recommendations from Ellyn Satter's work: structure, no grazing, sit-down meals and snacks, no pressure, Division of Responsibility...

Because in fact it is less work- for the physician and for the parent (less effective I might add) to reach for the quick fix, the "pill" in bottle form to fix the problem rather than to delve into feeding. Less work to have a sippy-cup of Pediasure than it is to shop for, plan and prepare 3 sit-down meals and 2-3 sit-down snacks. It is less work to hand the child a bottle than to sit with them and eat.

What could my friend have done (she didn't ask, so I didn't offer...) First, grazing, or drinking supplements all day in small quantities doesn't work. Kids don't develop a proper appetite and studies show that they will eat less well and grow less well.

(Note, this is general info, and is not intended to replace an evaluation or work-up. In other words I don't want to recommend stopping Pediasure in case you, gentle Reader have a child who really needs it.)

So, if you are using Pediasure, start by bringing it into sit-down meals and snacks every 2-3 hours for smaller children and every 3-4 for older. Offer balanced foods with those meals and snacks. Sit and eat with your child as much as possible. Don't let them graze in between. Allow them the opportunity to get hungry. Not too hungry, but come to the table with some hunger. Stop pressuring or bribing. In other words, follow the Division of Responsibility in feeding.

OK, that's it. My mini-rant on Pediasure, a whirlwind bit of advice.

Folks, what have your experiences been with Pediasure?

some decent books at Target

2010-10-26T05:49:00.000-07:00

After raling about a book I saw at Target, I wanted to give them props for these gems. At $1 each, they are lovely looking, printed in the USA and well-written. My 5 yo loves hearing the stories of Peter Pan, Wizard of Oz, Secret Garden etc. There are illustrations every other page or so which helps keep her interest as well since she tends to be a wanderer. I was a fidgety kid and I didn't get read to as much (it can be annoying to have a kid who is playing with the cat while you're reading, but she is taking it in...) Don't give up on reading to your kids, even if they are sitting there playing with Legos or the cat while you do it :)

I'm a little torn about recommending a Target product, with the controversy around the political stuff, but they're a home-town company that gives away 5% of its earnings to charity, sponsors tons of cultural stuff in the Twin Cities and is a big local employer. I can imagine there are lots of other companies doing as much or more egregious political donating so I'm going to stay out of it...

Warning, Oliver Twist, is NOT a kid's story... Murder, mayhem, multiple kidnappings, moms dying in childbirth...

new blog/website coming soon...

2010-10-25T04:57:00.000-07:00

Hello all-
Sometime this week this blog site will disappear (I think!) I am consolidating to one site with website and blog all at one address, www.familyfeedingdynamics.com.
I hope you are enjoying the blog and will follow to the new location. I'm not sure how your SRS readers etc will work. If you FAN Family Feeding Dynamics on Facebook, you will get updates automatically. Please let me know if you have any trouble, and I apologize for any inconvenience. The old content should be there though there may be some formatting issues, but the comments will be new and improved, and I hope will make things easier for readers and clients alike.
I am working with someone on this and we are on a deadline with the domain so it will be a little sloppy at first, but hey, I have to keep the family dinners going! Thanks for hanging in there with me!

physical activity for kids– but someone could get hurt!

2010-10-25T03:48:00.000-07:00

Hi! I'm back. It feels good, but also lots to catch up on, and my email seems to be swallowing things, so if you're the mom from Colorado who emailed a while back, I think I have a contact for you :)

So, part of having a healthy relationship with our bodies is moving them. Kids often do this more spontaneously than adults. I marvel at the energy level, the sheer joy many children have as they run, or dance. Even my relatively sedentary child (compared to some of the little guys I know!) has such a clear joyful abandon when she's moving.

So, on a recent day off school, I took M and a friend to the Como zoo (a local zoo that is donation-entry) to burn off some steam. It was a beautiful fall day and the zoo was almost empty. I wanted to give them the opportunity to run and play. (Just as with food, there is a Division of Responsibility with activity. I provide the opportunity for M to move her body in joyous and unpressured ways and she takes it or leaves it...)

Anyway, so they are running from one thing to the next. As I said, there are very few people there. I asked them not to run if there were others around, but otherwise was thrilled that they were having fun and getting exercise.

Then an employee shouts at them to "walk! No running!" There was literally no one around. I said kindly, "May I ask what your concern is?" She looked at me like I was crazy. "Well, they can get hurt! We had a kid split his lip here before!"

Really!? I didn't quite know what to say. "OK, well thanks, yes, kids do get hurt I suppose!" I wandered off and let them run at will. A child can split a lip falling from a walk as well. It seemed odd. I could understand if they were running into people, or if it was crowded. I wanted to say, "I am willing to accept that risk," or, "Are you kidding me? Of course some kids will get hurt. That is unavoidable." (Will we soon be signing liability waivers at public places?)

What does this mean? Will we outlaw running, climbing etc because of liability concerns? Already, the playgrounds of our youth with merry-go-rounds are gone. The high-dive at the swim-club is long gone and climbing structures barely get off the ground. (In contrast, in France, where they have 10% of the lawyers we have here, the playgrounds I have seen look like something out of Fear Factor...)

I felt bad encouraging my child to ignore an adult authority figure- but come on.

What do you think? Do you think our caution, our fear of injury is making it harder for kids to find enjoyable ways to be active? Have you had similar experiences?

Hummus, really!?

2010-10-12T10:07:00.001-07:00

Note: I will be out of town from the 13th-23rd, so expect another posting towards the end of the month!

So, M has seen hummus with meals at least 100 times in the last 3 years. I love it (local Hollyland hummus is the bomb) and it is often there for lunch with other options. Out of the blue, she asked for hummus yesterday morning for breakfast. It was in the fridge right in front of her (I was making French toast from left-over bread.) I was curious so I said, "sure!" (Those of you paying close attention note that I was letting her do the job of deciding 'what' to eat, I hope you'll go with it for now....) :)

She pulled out the hummus, I peeled a carrot for her and she nibbled on that while we chatted and I tended to the French Toast.

"This is good hummus. It's just like Freddie's!"

Well, bowl me over and Thank You Freddie!

You know the line about kids needing to "try" foods 10 times before they decide they like it? Well, they may need dozens and dozens, and sometimes 100 exposures before they decided to even try it! I think they had hummus for snack at school, and Freddie occasionally had it at lunch time.

So, don't despair, don't pressure. I know how tempting it is to ask kids to try it, or to eat something they are reluctant to eat. I firmly believe that almost all kids, when exposed over time to a food in a neutral and pleasant setting will learn to like it.

Like my client who called after six months saying her son tried cauliflower and sushi all in one week, or the child who declared he might try a chicken nugget next time... It takes time, lots of it for some kids. Having a positive attitude about eating and food is critical.

Your 5 year old doesn't have to eat or love everything (nor does your two or eleven year old.) I wasn't even exposed to most 'exotic' cuisine until college and beyond. Trust that if you love eating a variety of foods and you provide your children with that opportunity, with time, they will learn to like those foods.

What if I had MADE her try it, or pressured her? Might she have taken a few bites to please me? Might she have refused and had the 45 minute stand-off? Would she have been as positive about it so soon?

What was it like to be pressured to try new foods for you as a kid... I know I didn't even TRY my mom's red cabbage until I was in my mid-twenties. They always wanted me to try it, but it was my line in the sand....

Are there foods you were encouraged or forced to eat that took you a long time to be open to? ( I still haven't even tried my dad's home-made green tomato chutney...)

Oh, and this was the 3rd time we had French Toast, and M at 2 smallish slices, while she only nibbled the first few times...

crying over rice, and the tools to deal with the meal-time meltdowns

2010-10-11T00:26:00.000-07:00

M loves rice, white rice mind you. (I know, it's a current favorite punching bag nutritionally-speaking.) I like both white and brown, prefer white with stir-fry and brown with a bolder, more tomato or squash-based meal.

Anyway, I forgot to push 'start' on the rice-cooker the other night and 15 minute count-down to dinner was on, with no rice. I got some hot, salted water to boil to serve pasta with the dish I threw together (left-over roasted chicken with the drippings, a can of diced tomatoes, sauteed leek, oldish peppers from the fridge, the last, tiny zucchini from the garden, Italian herbs...)

M lost it. She cried and whined that we were having noodles when she thought we were having rice. (She was TIRED after a long day at school/daycare and then swimming lessons...)

I took a big swig of my red-wine, and tried hard to stay neutral. (I was thinking, "darn-it," OK, I was thinking, "Damnit, I just cut up and cooked all this food, we had rice last night, you like pasta, stop whining and eat it!"

Instead, I put on my best Mommy-smile and said, "M, I know you're dissapointed. I am too. I wish I hadn't forgotten to push the start button, but I'm making pasta. It's not OK to whine or cry over what's for dinner. I know you will find something you can eat. Dinner will be a little later, would you like some cherry-tomatoes or carrots for an appetizer? Would you like some dip with it?"

She settled for some cherry tomatoes and our current favorite Netflix show Shaun the Sheep (from the Wallace and Gromit folks.) Within a few minutes it seemed all was forgotten.

D came home, we had dinner about ten minutes later than usual and we all enjoyed the pasta and stew.

The point? Kids are still kids. They whine, they throw fits, but you still get to decide what's for dinner and you still get to ask that they behave as is age appropriate. Don't cave in to whining, or crying that they don't like something. They will survive, even if they don't eat what you make for that meal and even the next. The point is also that even being really vigilant about following the Division of responsibility as we have done, doesn't mean we don't have the whining and fits, it just means we have the tools to deal with it with confidence, if not infinite patience...

Have you seen the division of responsibility help you manage meal-time melt-downs?

words from a mom, and FFD client

2010-10-08T07:44:00.000-07:00

Thanks for sharing! I'm in awe of this family. Three kids under three and they have found a way to make it work. I am thrilled to see that, as was my experience, watching their children learn to eat is helping the adults too! T. , you are an inspiration!

"My husband and I have an obsession with food and restrict “forbidden” foods (were both raised to clean our plates, so we over-eat), and we want to give our girls the gift of moderation and calmness with food and prevent an eating disorder, and this feeding model supports that goal. With a little bit of preparation, we can serve a meal for us and our three toddlers (one one-year-old and two two-year-olds) in about 20 minutes and all sit down at the table and enjoy breakfast and dinner together. We serve a well-rounded meal that usually includes a dessert (cookie, fruit, yogurt, ice cream, chocolate chips…) and sit together and talk about anything other than what anyone is eating. We might talk about the specific foods and what they are called and what color they are briefly, but mostly talk about the day and what we’re all enjoying at that moment. There are no comments about being a “good eater”, “please try this”, “you have to eat your veggie before you can have dessert”, etc. If someone doesn’t want to eat more than a couple of bites, that is just fine. We’ll eat again shortly as we do three meals and two snacks in a twelve-hour period. The girls are in regular chairs pulled up to the table in boosters, eating right off the table, with the twins using plates. They might sit for 5-10 minutes and that is just fine. Some days they eat “well”, and some days they don’t. Some meals they eat dessert first, sometimes they don’t touch it. They are learning to stop eating when they’re full and to be adventurous in trying new foods. My husband and I are learning moderation from them in the process, which is wonderful. This method does require me to plan meals and snacks and have structure with timing and being at the table, but we also eat out and have snacks outside our home once or twice a week, but know we’ll be right back in our eating routine so we don’t stress about it, so those occasions end up being even more enjoyable."

OK, marketing geniuses out there, help me get the word out...

2010-10-07T08:48:00.000-07:00

I always struggle to come up with the wording for workshops, particularly for parents.

Case in point, I met with some great parents and ECFE folks in Grand Marais. Some of the feedback I heard was how parents were happily surprised that I wasn't just another "food nazi" who would make them feel bad about not having everything organic, and not getting enough fruits and veggies into kids...

Don't get me wrong, I don't give up on, or poo-poo nutrition, but most parents know pretty well what they "should" be feeding their kids, and they are trying really hard, but things are getting worse.

All the pressure to do it "right" to get enough protein, the worries about nutrition and size make the jobs of feeding harder, not easier.

I think my message, and that of Feeding Dynamics is so different from the standard "childhood nutrition talk" that many parents don't know what to expect, and are put off in advance, anticipating more rules, more guilt and nothing useful.

So, I ask those of you who have seen me talk, or who know Satter's materials, or who follow this blog, or who feed with the Division of Responsibility in your own homes...

1) how would you explain to someone (as succinctly as possible) what feeding this way means...

2) how would you write a one paragraph note to tell other parents how this will be different from what you have heard before

3) how would you tell other parents that this looks like, feels like and works in your own home...

4) what title for an evening talk would grab you to give up a night at home to see what this is all about?

Because, I want to get the word out, I want parents to know it doesn't have to be so hard, I want parents to let go of the guilt and start where they are, I want parents to actually enjoy meals with their kids...

extremes in food choices

2010-10-06T04:56:00.000-07:00

Well, I'm up in gorgeous Grand Marais doing 3 workshops over two days. A lovely drive with the fall colors, waterfalls...

I'm enjoying a quick breakfast, and the cereal choices are fruit loops or All-Bran... Couldn't there be something in between? Seemed kind of emblematic of our food atmosphere, one of extremes. One where most folks don't cook, but Iron Chef gets hundreds of thousands (millions?) of viewers, one where nutrition classes pit KFC against Quinoa...

foods I craved as a kid that taste gross to me now...

2010-10-04T04:40:00.000-07:00

On a recent car trip, I was hankering for a snack, and found these. The cheddar club sandwich cracker. Now, it wasn't the crackers with the little bucket of cheese with the plastic red stick, but it was close.

There are a few foods that stick out in my memory as extra-special, that I really craved, mostly because I couldn't have it. Foods I loved, ate as much as I could when I got the chance (begging the little red stick off a friend at school, or from the neighbor down the street.)

It was gross. I opened it up, took two bites and left the rest. M tried it and agreed it was gross. (I didn't use the word "gross" but said it wasn't my favorite and asked if she wanted to try it. She did, and was similarly unimpressed.) I was disappointed. This has happened more often than not over the past year or so. Eating some former "forbidden" food, and realizing- it wasn't "all that."

Keebler cracker sandwich, Twinkies, microwave popcorn, microwave bean burrito, chocolate pudding from a plastic cup... (Note, we did not have a microwave until the 21st century...)

Are there former faves or forbidden foods you realize now are not so yummy?

The best flavor-enhancer is a little bit of "I shouldn't," a dash of "this is so bad," or a pinch of "whoa..."

small kids don't know what they want to eat until it's in their mouth

2010-10-01T02:47:00.000-07:00

This is a scenario I see or hear about over and over. A mom standing in the kitchen with a 1-2 year old child asking over an over, "What do you want for breakfast?" (or lunch, or snack...)

"Do you want noodles?" pause....
"Do you want eggs?" pause....
"Do you want a cereal bar?" pause...
"How about a Go-gurt?" pause...
And it goes on until there is a positive, or at least not a negative response.

So, let's say Susie asks for noodles with butter. Mom makes it. Susie looks at it and says "Yuck." (Maybe she's been munching on crackers while she's waiting for the noodles because she's crying that she can't wait, and she's so cute and she's small and hungry!)

So, she has rejected what she 'ordered.'
Do you get mad? Try to reason? "Well, this is what you asked for! You liked it the other day, don't be so picky..."

Susie throws it on the floor and asks for a granola bar. Now you're late for music class, you grab a juice box and a granola bar that she nibbles on in the car, and she whines off and on for all of music class that she's "HUNGRY!" and she nibbles on some more granola bar and maybe some raisins on the way home, and then it's almost dinner time.

"What do you want for dinner?"...

Small children shouldn't meal plan. They can't. Heck, I can't some days! Remember, as the parent of the young child- and I include young school-aged kids in this group- it is YOUR job to meal-plan. It is your job to think of balanced options that you can offer, and your job to enforce the structure that will help her learn to like new foods and tune-in and eat the right amounts.

So, how does this feel...
"Jimmy, it's time for breakfast in five minutes, please get ready to put your blocks away."

Meanwhile you think about what you like to eat, what might have some fat, protein and carbohydrate.

"Jimmy, come to the table now please. You see we have toast and you can choose butter, jam or peanut butter. I also made a plate of scrambled eggs and there's some melon. Would you like milk or water? Oh, you chose toast and jam. Can I help you spread it? Here is a spreader so you can try..."

Meanwhile if you can, sit down yourself and enjoy some eggs or toast with your tea or coffee.

Jimmy doesn't have to worry or chose. It's not his job. He just gets to show up and eat from what you made. He gets to tune-in and eat until he is full (which might be two bites, or a cup of melon and two pieces of toast.) Then he gets to wait 2-3 hours until snack time.

My table? I enjoy eggs and think they're a great and easy food to balance nutrition and give kids energy, but M isn't a fan. If I ask if she wants an egg, she says, "no." But, if I cook an extra (medium-boiled and she doesn't eat the yolk mind you) she always asks for it when it hits the table and usually asks for another, but I don't boil 2 extra because it's just too wasteful and I don't want to eat 3 eggs! I also often make a scrambled egg and put it in the middle of the table so I can eat some, and she occasionally helps herself to some with little or no yolk. A pan-scrambled egg takes less time than microwaved oatmeal...

Kids often ask for foods and then don't want them, or say they don't want or like something, and eat it a few minutes later (if we can keep out of the fight!) M did this all the time too. "I don't like steak!"
Me: "OK, you don't have to eat it, there are other choices."
Most often the food she was just complaining about was then eaten happily without comment a few moments later.

Does this sound like meal-time at your house? Do your kiddos ask for and reject foods, or eat what they say they don't want?

moms speak out, "two-bite rule" and listening to your gut

2010-09-29T03:23:00.000-07:00

Thank you to those who filled out the survey. I can only assume from those who chose not to that I am doing everything perfectly! (Just kidding, but why not go with the self-affirming assumption?)

Many wanted to hear from other moms who are in the "trenches."

Here is a great comment from a reader about the two-bite rule (or the on-bite-rule or the 'no thank-you bite'...)

"I am personally sooo sick of hearing about "just try it" and "two bite" rules. Especially the accompanying insistance that their application will turn my son from a neophobic eater into an adventuresome eater. I can only assume that this technique works for some kids because it sure is popular.

We only had to try it a few times to realize that it didn't work for our son. The instant that he is told he has to try something he immediately assigns it to the "I don't like it" category. And foods are seldom removed from this category once they are placed in them... Also, to actually get him to try something he doesn't want to requires an EXTREME amount of pressure, so extreme that I know it has to be wrong."

The pressure moms feel to get their kids to eat "right" is also extreme. Many, knowing that it feels wrong, slog through joyless meals, miserably doing as they are told to get the pyramid into their kids every day. My favorite quote? "Dinner feels like 45 minutes of hostage negotiations." The reader is right, it does 'work' for some kids, the easy-going, adventurous kind perhaps. It even works for one sibling, but not the other. Trust when you feel that something isn't working. If you dread feeding and meals, something is wrong.

Or the mom with the son who is rapidly gaining weight who was scolded by the doctor, "You're the parent here! Step up and don't bring that crap into the house!" Well, now her son is being shunned by friends because he cleans out their pantries of all the forbidden foods when he hangs out at their homes. She KNOWS it feels wrong, and it's not working, but the doctor told her to do it, and hey, she's a bad mom if she doesn't, right?

What feels wrong to you?

New survey: America still isn't eating "enough" vegetables. But why?

2010-09-27T02:40:00.000-07:00

This article in the NYT originally, and then in our local paper answers 'why' Americans aren't eating more veggies– but doesn't realize it. It's not for lack of trying, for lack of public health campaigns or effort or money spent on getting out the word. It's not that there aren't enough posters in our schools showing cool kids eating veggies, or exhorting kids to eat more veggies, or smiley faces 'eating the rainbow...'

About 1 in 4 Americans gets veggies three or more times a day. About 1 in 10 teens get the recommended amount. As someone working with families (and according to nationwide surveys) I know that it is not for lack of knowledge. Parents want their kids to eat well and have good nutrition, but they don't know HOW to support it (and many struggle financially to do so. But I will put the issue of food insecurity aside for a moment.) What American doesn't know what they "should" be eating? What parent doesn't lament the battles over broccoli?

One expert realizes, "There is nothing you can say to get Americans to eat more veggies." -duh

(I would add, there is very little we can say to get our children to eat more veggies...)

The author and experts assert Americans would eat more veggies if they were cheaper and tasted better. A nurse admits she won't eat veggies because they make her "gag." (I'd love to know if she was forced to try veggies or clean her plate as a child...) They don't explicitly get to it, but the following quotes hint at part of the solution. Read these and guess what is missing...

"The moment you have something fresh, you have to schedule your life around it."

"An apple you can just grab, but what am I going to do, put a piece of kale in my purse?"

What jumps out? What is missing?

Sitting down to meals and structure...

As I have gone through my training (my reading, now being lucky enough to be a part Ellyn Satter's clinical faculty with access to their incredible breadth and years of experience, seeing my own meals and family's eating, working with clients...) I have come to believe that without structure, without the habit of saying, "I am going to sit down now and make myself/may family something to eat" (or sit down to take-out or a frozen meal) that improving variety and successfully adding things like veggies is almost impossible.

The parents I meet and talk to want their children to be healthy and to eat well. They try really hard to get them to eat veggies. They bribe, they hide, they sneak, they beg, they threaten, they reward with stickers or treats-and for the most part, it's making their kids like veggies less, not more. Remember that how to feed is the key to the what. That notion of the Division of Responsibility, which is the basis for the feeding relationship all but requires meals and structure.

The structure has to come first. The meals have to come first. They don't have to be fancy, or "fresh" (canned and frozen are just fine) but you can't have a meal in your purse or strapped into a car-seat. (You can eat that way, but it's not a meal where you can tune-in to hungry and full, tune in to appetite, explore new foods, flavors and eventually improve variety.)

If you're grabbing Goldfish on the go (and who hasn't for the kiddos or even ourselves) it's easy to wander around contented for the moment with Goldfish. But, sit down, pay attention to the food, and the question, "What might taste good to me with these goldfish, or to little Timmy?" might come up. The answer might be, a cut up apple, or some microwaved frozen squash with butter, salt and brown sugar, or a sliced tomato...

What do you think?

sweet-obsessed kids: a 'how-to'

2010-09-26T07:02:00.001-07:00

I like this post about what makes a child obsessed with sweets...

family meals are priority one: what I'm letting slide to get it done...

2010-09-24T04:54:00.000-07:00

With school and work ramping up these days (a nice problem to have, but I have to admit to being a little overwhelmed as most parents may be these days...) I've had to let a few things slide to keep up the really important stuff-like family meals...

• combing my daughter's hair (there, I said it... occasioanally we do a surface-comb, but ponytails hide many sins...)

• vacuuming

• mowing the lawn (since the kid who was doing it went back to school we are living in a jungle...)

• bi-weekly grocery runs (we're down to one for fresh and one for non-perishables. I dislike having to shop at two places, but do...)

• daily blogging

• unpacking (why bother, I'll just need to pack in a few weeks again)

• ambition with cooking- remember that doing family meals is a marathon, not a sprint. When things get crazy, I rely on easy, quick standards, quick pan-cooked meats with glazes, mac-n-cheese, couscous, more cut-up raw veggies, I buy pre-washed salads, we might eat out more, eat more left-overs, do the giant crock-pot meal and eat it for 3 days. I tend not to try new recipes...

• tidying up- inside and out-my yard looks like a plastic obstacle course. Orange cones, hula-hoop, bike, helmet... tumble-weeds of cat-hair.

• laundry. the mega-loads that take 30 minutes to fold...

• exercise (I need to get the walking routine going again. Will walk tomorrow after a meeting.)

What do you prioritize and let slide?

learning to like new foods: the sitter said it best!

2010-09-22T10:28:00.000-07:00

Usually when we have a sitter, I make mac-n-cheese. Last night we also had grapes and carrots and dip. I sat with and ate it too. I love that white Annie's mac-n-cheese...

From the beginning I always mixed peas in our mac-n-cheese. M prefers it this way. So, the pasta was boiled, the peas were nuked. I asked our sitter, Loulou * if she minded if I mixed them together. Here is what she said...

"Sure. I like it that way. At first when I started coming here I thought it was odd, but then I got used to it and now I like it."

I couldn't have said it better myself. She basically described the process of learning to like new foods (food acceptance.) With repeated, pleasant, neutral, non-pressuring exposures, even new foods become familiar. Now, mind you, kids will never say this, or appear this rational. The process looks much more chaotic, with more fits and start. They look at it, they smell it, they watch you eat it, they might lick it or even chew it and spit it out, they might swallow it, they like it and eat lots one day, refuse it the next... Believe it or not, that's all part of the process of what Ellyn Satter calls "sneaking" up on new foods.

Just hang in there! If you serve the foods you want to eat at family meals and sit-down snacks, your kids will grow up to like the foods that you eat as a family.

What weird things do you put into or on classic foods? (I ate corn on the cob with ketchup for the longest time!)

threat level orange!!! parents are in a constant state of anxiety around feeding

2010-09-20T04:43:00.000-07:00

Back from Denver after a great conference. I met some very dedicated folks working to help kids with eating and weight.

On the way to the airport, I passed the same sign that has been up for the last 9 years.

THREAT LEVEL ORANGE!!!

Several more reminders in the airports that the 'powers that be' have determined our threat level is orange. In case you forgot. In case you go more than an hour without being reminded of 9/11 in an airport, or in case you relax a little. Would any of us do anything differently if the threat level was green? I suppose I would pay attention to a red, since I don't think there has been one for years...

Since 9/11 we have constant reminders that we're not safe, with warnings of enemies real and imagined. I remember how often I had to turn off the radio for months after the terrible attacks as the pundits spun out elaborate scenarios of planes full of anthrax dusting our coasts and how easy it would be to destroy us all. I know how much that spoiled my days. How we are reminded for weeks that some terrorist is going to be arraigned next week, he's going to be arraigned tomorrow, today, last week. Hourly reminders....

It reminds me of that state we have gotten to with kids and food. How many people can just enjoy being with their kids and feeding them-one of the purest, most elemental expressions of loving and caring? Instead, with the relentless drumbeat today of hype-the continuous "threat level orange" around feeding, the experience is spoiled for most parents and for most children, and it is interfering with our natural capabilities with eating.

Some recent emails, conversations and news stories illustrate a few fears.

Parents worry about:

getting all the fruits and vegetables in

calcium for bones

pesticides and ADHD

mercury in fish

allergies

not enough protein

too much protein

too much fat

too much sugar

food dyes

hormones in milk

raw milk

salmonella in eggs

salmonella in chicken

e.coli in meat

e.coli in spinach

me kid is too big

my kid is too small

high fructose corn syrup

when to start your child on a diet

how to avoid encouraging disordered eating

how to instill positive body image

how to get kids "60 minutes of uninterrupted physical activity" every day

when to find time to cook

how to afford organics

how to afford enough food. period.

BPA in cans and water bottles

...

Does this list sound familiar? What are your worries? What would it be like not to hear or read about obesity or protein or BPA in the news every day?

My first 'tag-line' was "take anxiety and conflict off the menu..." Sure, occasionally there is cause for concern, but most often our worries only spoil our experiences, color how we feed, invite pressure and fear into the feeding relationship and no one benefits.

I'd love to declare a "level green" month for feeding, with a moratorium on the stories designed to generate fear and anxiety. I know before I found the feeding dynamics model, that I was scared by the news stories and it changed how I fed. How about you?

part III, a little about intuitive eating, routine and trust

2010-09-16T07:01:00.000-07:00

Weightless blog interview...

And, time to finish packing for Denver. I'll check in again next week. I'll be able to review and publish comments and tap out brief replies perhaps!

Part II of my interview

2010-09-15T07:34:00.001-07:00

tackling picky eating and the "war on obesity"

Weightless blog...

"But I'm too full for dessert!": and dealing with pressure from family/friends

2010-09-15T02:14:00.000-07:00

When we were with family last month, we did things a little different. I try to follow the general flow of others when we are staying with family or friends. I don't ask for dessert with the meal for example. (I do, however stick up for my child if she is being pressured to eat something or limited-and I will give a few examples at the end of the post.)

Well, we had wonderful foods, and occasionally we would have dessert. It often wasn't decided until the meal was almost over what and if dessert would be...

Poor M... A couple times she would finish eating and then our hostess would bring out these delicious little yogurts. I remember her crying, "But my tummy is too full for dessert! I want dessert, why didn't you tell me there was dessert!"

I didn't want to impose serving a child-sized portion of dessert with the meal as we often do at home (in fact, M has gotten pretty good with food regulation-knowing how much to eat-that we often give her the choice of when to have her dessert at this point.)

So, I talked with the cook/main meal-planner before the meal to determine what she wanted to do for dessert. I then told M before the meal if there was dessert so she could "save some room." This seemed to work out fine. I wasn't sure how it would go, but I remained curious, stayed true to the Division of Responsibility, and it worked out pretty well. (I often was happy for her to have "dessert" yogurt since she is still not a big milk drinker and we try to offer other sources of calcium-rich foods.)

It showed me again though, that she is listening to her body. She did not stuff it in just to enjoy the dessert. We also remained flexible and curious to see how things would go. We don't always get things right the first time :)

A few examples of pressure you might encounter and what you might say:

grampa: "If you take that piece of toast, you have to finish it all."

you say: "Actually Dad, that's not how we do it. Please follow my lead. Billy, why don't we start with half a piece, and if you're still hungry you can have more."

waitress: "You can't have dessert sweetie, until you finish your broccoli!" (really!)

you: "You are getting no tip." (just kidding)

try: "We're doing just fine here. Please bring her dessert now. Thank you."

gramma: "Let's hide his bottle. He's distracted. He eats too much and haven't you heard that obese babies will be fat adults and die before you and get diabetes and, and, and ..."

you: "Gramma, we like to let little Timmy decide when he's done eating. He'll let us know. May I have his bottle back, please?"

Uncle Bob: "You'll hurt Betty's feelings if you don't eat any of her sauce."

you: "Oh, Bob, that's silly! We love Aunt Betty, and thank her for making dinner, but we don't eat anything we don't want to. I'd like some sauce, please."

School: "You have to eat at least half your main food before you can have dessert."

see post... on teaching kids to overeat

how do you deal with it when family/friends/teachers pressure your child with his eating?

interview on PsychCentral: feeding kids and our cultural "ab-norm" with food

2010-09-14T07:09:00.000-07:00

Please check out an interview I did with Psych Central coming out in three parts this week.

Today's topics:

Where did we go wrong

more about the feeding model I work with and how I found it

what are the keys to raising kids who are competent eaters

We have our water back, but it's brownish and supposedly full of lead. I'm starting to pack and do final preps for a conference in Colorado Thursday and Friday, so again I am grateful for the lazy post! Moms who work outside-the-home (or home business,) how do you juggle it all! How long do you ever feel you have the 'balance' between work and family down? (I sure don't right now!)

the fantasy vs reality of the "two-bite club"

2010-09-13T06:55:00.000-07:00

I saw the book Ellyn is referring to recently. It is a gorgeous book, lovely drawings, a well-intended sentiment, but ultimately not helpful, and crosses into pressure. Read on for Ellyn's astute retelling of this story. (Reprinted with permission, and a little gratitude that I don't need to write a full post on a day when our water AND gas are being shut-off for construction. I am at the coffee shop hoping they don't blow up my house before a 9:30 appointment.)

September 2010 • Family Meals Focus #49 Review, The Two Bite Club

It is gratifying when nutrition professionals take the big step to writing educational materials from the point of view of feeding dynamics. However, there is such a big contradiction between the feeding dynamics model and the conventional approach, it isn’t surprising when errors creep in. Even seasoned professionals trip themselves up with messages that cross the lines of the division of responsibility in feeding. With that in mind, let’s take a friendly but realistic look at a recent and free (and therefore widely distributed) publication of USDA’s Food and Nutrition Service: The Two Bite Club.

Older brother Will is the protagonist of the piece. “My teacher said that if we eat two bites from each food group we can be members of the Two Bite Club!” Will’s teacher is to be forgiven for this - most teachers don’t know about the division of responsibility in feeding. Teachers interested in nutrition can sometimes be a bit zealous - and controlling - about it.

Little sister Anna can smell pressure a mile away. “OK, but I might not like it,” she replies cautiously. Mother says, “Anna, I know you can be a big girl and try two little bites of each food, then you will be in the Two Bite Club!” Sure enough, Anna’s caution is well-founded. There are not just one but two cleverly disguised pieces of pressure in one sentence: 1) If you force yourself to eat you will be a big girl and 2) It is only two little bites. Anna is only a preschooler, and she isn’t able to deconstruct that sentence. However, like most children, she knows what she knows - she is being railroaded! So far, the Two Bite Club is faithful to the reality of feeding children.

First, they play a little game. They find a food that fits in the grain group of MyPyramid for Preschoolers. Well, all right, that’s kind of like a treasure hunt. Anna likes treasure hunts. Will finds some whole-wheat crackers. “Let’s try these!” he says. “Oh, no,” says Anna, “I don’t think I’ll like them.” Anna can smell pressure, even when it is coming from Will! Anna might be one of those slow-to-warm-up types, but more likely she is just a typically canny preschooler. Here is where our book takes leave of reality. “But she [Anna] tried two little bites. ‘I like them!’” she exclaimed.

Oh, come on. How realistic is that? Every child I have seen coerced this way makes a sour face and says “Eew! I don’t like it!” The research says the same. When you coerce children to eat, they like foods less well, not better. Even when you don’t coerce them, it takes a lot of exposures - 5 or 10 or 47 - for a child to learn to like a new food. The slow-to-warm-up types take longer. Anna might be a slow-to-warm-up type, or she might just be made to appear that way by the hard sell for this strange club.

So on they go. Like the bread group, the perfectly acceptable treasure hunt for vegetables contains a zinger: Anna has to take two bites of broccoli. So what if they are only little tiny microscopic bites? What if Anna only has to lick it? Do you know how gross it is to be strong-armed into making close contact with something - strange? Here is a more likely scenario: Anna took a bite of broccoli. “Eew! I don’t like it!” she gagged, spitting it on the floor. (We could have her spitting on her plate or in her napkin but Anna, Will, and Mother are all standing up for the Club meeting.)

Then they hunt for fruit. By now, you would expect Anna to slope off to watch Dora the Explorer rather than play this game, but our story has her coming back for more. This time, Anna gets to choose, and she finds a yellow apple in the fruit bowl. The optimistic folks who hope that letting Anna pick the food will get her to eat it are heartened. Ever vigilant, Anna recognizes the pressure. “I don’t think I like yellow apples; I only like red apples,” she says.

So let’s give Anna a break and write a new ending to our story. “You don’t have to eat it if you don’t want to,” says mother, learning from her mistakes. “Yes,” says Will. “Let’s forget about the bites. I don’t have to belong to any dumb club in order to enjoy my food.”

So Mother got Will and Anna’s lunch ready. She put on the whole grain crackers and broccoli and stirred some Ranch Dressing mix into the yogurt to make dip. She put on some cheese and some milk and they all agreed those foods were from the milk group. She peeled the apple and cut it up. Anna could see that on the inside a yellow apple was just the same as a red one. Mother let Anna and Will pick and choose what to eat from what was on the table. Anna ate a whole apple and some cheese and drank some milk and dipped a cracker in the dip and ate a little corner of it. She ignored the broccoli - she’d had enough of that for one day.

And they all ate happily ever after.

Hillbilly Housewife-cooking on a budget

2010-09-11T10:10:00.001-07:00

Cooking on a budget ideas...

new blog/website coming soon, what would you like to see?

2010-09-11T09:35:00.001-07:00

Please take a few minutes to take the poll on the right. Also comment here on what would make this a more useful/informative site.

Want to see more on adults and eating? Let me know! I'll be combining the log and website onto one page, adding the "smart" comments feature so we can have more of a dialogue, but otherwise keeping the content roughly the same.

Would it matter to you if I did three posts a week? Is every day too much? Not enough (hee hee.)

I truly treasure all your comments and feedback. It's a way I can feel like I'm spreading the word, and maybe helping some families in the process.

And thank you all. You have all given me much to think about with your thought-provoking and often moving stories!

Stay tuned!

lingering effects of sugar

2010-09-10T06:18:00.000-07:00

M this morning, "Can I have that sweet cereal again? I want sugar for breakfast! Sugar! I want something sweet!"

We talked about how we would have ice-cream tonight for dessert, but that breakfast was cereal, oatmeal, toast or a sandwich with melon. She's been eating ham sandwiches for breakfast recently with pickles. In Germany, lunch meat is a common breakfast thing, so we go for it. Breakfast seems to be a meal where we all sort of get what we want within reason. She is given choices, but we don't all eat from the same things like we do at dinner. I'm OK with this. M doesn't chose toast, or cereal much, and we have a pleasant time.

Just thought I'd share the morning conversation. I have to chuckle when I think of what I do for a living, at how fastidious we've been about optimal feeding, but she's still a kid!

wasting food, hunger, and finding that "stopping place"

2010-09-09T00:24:00.000-07:00

Here we are at Cracker Barrel, which was across from our hotel on our recent drive (2 days in the car!) to see family. I skipped the Kids Menu, and M ordered rice, chicken, corn and milk. I had roasted chicken, beans, stuffing and corn. We ate maybe 25% of what was on the table. I ordered her a main meal because all the kids stuff was the typical fried, limited fare that M doesn't love anyway. She had biscuits for the first time. She liked the corn bread too. We had a pleasant meal, but here is what we left. (I suppose we could have shared entrees had I realized how much food there would be...)

It got me thinking again about poverty, food insecurity (or restrained or unreliable feeding) and how it effects what we eat and how much we eat.

I waste food because I can afford to. (The photo above is at the end of our meal.)
I can stop eating because I know I will have enough, good-tasting variety of foods before I get truly hungry again. (Reliable meals and snacks.)
I can try new foods and introduce my daughter to new foods because I know I will have other things to eat, and because I have enough resources to try something that might not get eaten.
I can stop because I can eat any of those foods when I want to. (I don't need to eat 2 biscuits because if I want to order them again sometime, I can-without guilt.)
I leave food because I have never been truly hungry (childhood food insecurity and hunger often has long-lasting effects, with adults who experienced it more likely to feel anxious or panicky with food, and more likely to binge when foods are available-a smart survival strategy at the time...)
I leave food because I have learned to eat in a way that is tuned-in to my internal cues of hunger, appetite and satiety.
I am lucky...

If I weren't so lucky, I would have ordered food for M that I KNEW she would eat. If I didn't know when the next meal was coming, I would order reliably filling foods with lots of calories for the least amount of money. If I hadn't eaten all day because I was "saving points" for dinner, or didn't have any cash, or felt guilty about how I blew my diet yesterday... (you see where this is going.)

(BTW, M doesn't really have to "think" about any of this, or know it on any rational level. In spite of my inclinations as a chatty extrovert, I don't explain or rationalize any of this to her. I do my jobs with providing reliable, good-tasting foods every 3-4 hours. She just shows up and listens to her body... She stops eating when her body tells her to.)

Poverty, how much we eat, what kinds of foods we eat, are more complex than most (especially in the public health world) would have us believe. Food is at it's heart survival, and making it simply into a moral issue without a deeper understanding of the complexities–the physiology and psychology of hunger (monetary or self-inflicted)– is dangerous and short-sighted.

How do your childhood experiences of hunger (in any form) effect your eating today?

first day of school lunch?

2010-09-08T03:40:00.000-07:00

My daughter had sugar-snap beans, a pickle, a little container of ketchup and 3 Swedish Fish...

I felt so bad for her, she forgot that I packed her a thermos with warm left-over mashed potatoes and steak! (At summer camp, they didn't refrigerate her lunch bag so I put the hot on one half and the cold in another. I reminded her yesterday morning that her thermos was in her backpack, she even watched me cut up the steak, but she forgot.)

Poor thing realized what had happened on the way home and LOST IT. She wanted to eat it when we got home, but I already sort of cross my fingers about temperature and food saftety having the food in a thermos until noon so I said 'no.'

I thought it was interesting that none of the adults noticed that she was eating cold beans with ketchup. They must see some interesting lunches. Maybe they have finally taken my advice and decided to leave her alone with her food :)

Today, she gets her favorite, turkey curry and rice. I'll pack some beet salad and maybe some grapes. Hope she finds it all this time!

What did your child eat on the first day of school? International readers, I'd love to hear from you!

sugary cereal first-hand

2010-09-07T02:15:00.000-07:00

So we generally try to stay with cereals with less than 6 grams of sugar per serving. Sweet foods are easy to like, and tend to replace other foods and worsen variety, and thereby nutritional quality. Meaning, kids will often eat only sweet things if given the chance. (It's why desserts and sweets are treated differently with the Division of Responsibility.)

I watched this first-hand with our first box of Frosted Flakes. I took M with me shopping, something I try not to do, and she asked for frosted flakes. I had already said "no" to ding-dongs and a few other things (I much prefer Ghirardelli brownies anyway, which M also likes...) and I wanted to see what happened, so we bought a box.

We had the cereal on offer the next few mornings, and literally ALL M ate was dry frosted flakes. Nothing else. Not enough variety, not enough fat or protein to sustain her and our mornings were more difficult. I didn't explain that she needed to eat other things, but after 3 mornings of this, we said, she "could have toast, eggs or Kix or Oat Squares today." She chose the toast and some Oat Squares and milk and was fine. I expected a big battle for the FF's but didn't have it.

It was an interesting experiment. We might offer it on occasion, when she's home and I know I can offer a balanced snack or lunch, but it definitely confirmed the sweets-kill-variety if not managed appropriately.

What have you noticed with sugary foods?

ice-cream for being upset?

2010-09-02T12:35:00.000-07:00

We were on the road, and tired of McDonald's and Subway. (Road-trips were the only time I was allowed to eat fast food and I relished it as a kid. I am a little more lenient, but we don't often do fast food at home, so looking forward to a Happy Meal is a nice way to help with hours and hours in the car...)

Anyway, there was a Whole Foods near our hotel, and we decided to eat dinner there. M has recently really gotten into seaweed salad so we chose that, and checked out their hot and cold bar. M chose mashed potatoes, zucchini, roasted peppers and onions (they were in with the brats which she didn't want) and rice. I had a cold salad with the works, chicken, corn, eggs, lettuce, beets etc...

We were going to share. I asked M to hold her bowl with two hands. I reminded her a few times, and that it was easy to drop. I also had a few non-perishables so I had a basket, my bowl and couldn't figure out where to check out. It was really annoying. One guy said one line, we waited, I stood there and next I hear is wailing. I turn around and M was trying a zucchini and dropped her food on the floor. I am ashamed to admit I was not immediately super-cool Mommy and spat out, "I told you to hold it with two hands!" This of course did not help, and the cashier thought I was a monster, and kept saying, "It's OK Mommy, you can get more food." I was more irritated with the system, with having been stuck in a car all day, with juggling a basket, food, a pre-schooler, waiting in lines...

Anyhoo, I calmed down, reassured M that it was not a big deal ("I want Dad-deee!!!") got her a new bowl of food and went to another line. We came back for my bowl of salad that I had abandoned and the cashier handed M a bowl of ice-cream! Vanilla with chocolate sauce. "Here Sweetie, It's OK!"

I know she meant well, and I didn't really care (though we had had ice-cream at lunch) and I joked that I was going to drop food more often if I got free ice-cream.

It just fascinated me that the impulse was to soothe her with ice-cream, that she didn't ask me first. That the ice-cream would make it all OK.

It didn't hurt, and we went on to enjoy a nice meal. (Though I was also miffed that I bought bottled water only to see that they had free cold water in the dining area.) Oh well!

What do you think? Were you soothed with food as a child? Was/is that a hard habit to break? Do you ever use food to feel better now? (I know food can lift my mood sometimes.) Have you learned to "use" food or other means to soothe in healthy ways?

worry about weight, two reader perspectives...

2010-09-01T12:37:00.001-07:00

Here are two reader comments I couldn't resist sharing. Related to my last post about worrying about weight in very small children. They are well-worth the read. My readers, your inspire me! What is being done to families, mothers, fathers and children in the name of weight is wrong and harmful and unnecessary. Read on...

"I really appreciate these suggestions to lessen the focus on weight, especially for the very young.
I have twins and my daughter was tiny from birth. She has never been on the charts and at 6 months weighed only 12 pounds, which triggered a number of GI specialist appointments, the coordination of a dietician, etc. I was nursing her but had to begin supplementing with high-calorie formula in an attempt to increase weight gain. No physical issues were ever found, and she continued to grow steadily, just...slowly. The GI doctor at one point warned me that if she didn't gain more weight, her cognitive functioning could be harmed.

Of course I was terrified and this sparked a terrible pattern for us, in which I constantly tried to cajole/encourage/trick/force my daughter into eating more, and she, naturally, pushed back from day 1. It saddens me to look back on this and think that we were going through this power struggle even when she was a baby. It continued on and on, because at each appointment, she was still "not on the charts". Our doctor suggested some helpful, healthy things to increase the caloric density of her foods, but also some unhealthy things (such as feeding her Carnation Instant Breakfast, which she would never touch anyway). I had to monitor the number of calories my daughter consumed every day. On a good calorie day, I was thrilled, on a low calorie day, I was frightened, miserable, and often cried.
My daughter was 16 lbs at a year and 21.5 lbs at 2 years. This intense emphasis on her weight set up a terrible relationship to food and feeding. Shortly after she turned 2, my mother located all of my baby records from birth up to 2 years. And it turns out that at every single appointment, I had actually weighed slightly less than my daughter at the same age! My husband and I are both small, slim, people. The difference is that back then, in the 70s, my doctor didn't consider it a problem, and wrote notes such as "she's doing well" or "she's fine" to my mother.
At that point I realized my daughter is playing out her genetics and her well-meaning pediatrician's focus on her smallness had helped us set up a bad dynamic in which our mealtimes were disasters and my daughter wouldn't eat out of a need for control. Shortly after she turned 2 I swallowed hard, began following the Child of Mine advice, and backed way, way off. I no longer try to convince/bargain/trick her into eating. I provide healthy meals at specific times, and I allow her to eat what she wants. I don't comment on it, and I don't bribe with dessert. At first it was REALLY hard because of our historical weight issues, but I soon found that she actually eats much, much better now! She tries many more things, and her weight hasn't suffered. Now mealtime is no longer a terrible battle, and instead we can enjoy ourselves. Given how small she is it's still hard for me to grit my teeth and say nothing if she decides not to eat much at a given meal, but I try to take a whole day, or whole week approach and realize that she actually does eat a good variety of foods."

and...

"I am a mother of an 11 month old boy that lives in the Peninsula area of the San Francisco Bay Area. Oh, man have I been getting the messages.
I'm fat. Not heavy, not 'overweight' - I'm fat. I weigh 275 pounds at 5'4". My husband is also fat. He's 280 at 5'10".
The weight talk started at my son's six week appointment. I keep hearing moms talk about their doctors worried that their kid is not gaining enough. Ours discussed with us if we had concerns about him gaining _too much._ I said "No, not really. I mean, his gain is normal, right?" and the doctor replied "Low end of normal, actually, but I see that both you and the baby's father are... uh... " "Fat? Yes, we are fat. Are you suggesting a preemptive diet for my six week old?" "No, I just thought you might be concerned." Oy. I mean, really. I let the doctor know that I was not interested in feeding schedules, limiting baby's intake so early or "supplementing" with water. (And let me say, calling my husband "the baby's father" repeatedly instead of my husband, while he sits there is kind of insulting. I've heard this doctor tell other women "Your husband... " but somehow, mine is "the baby's father." Maybe he can't believe a fat woman is married?)
The doctor suggested switching him to whole cow's milk at 9 months - I said that WHO didn't recommend that and I wasn't interested. He again brought up that my husband and I are fat. I asked if he would recommend that a thin mom and dad switch their higher-weight baby to whole milk at 9 months. He said no, breast was best until 2/formula until 1. I said again, that I wasn't interested in going against WHO recommendations and general practice just because we're fat. He then asked if I would be willing to limit intake. I asked if he would suggest that for a higher-weight baby of thin parents. He said no. I said, again, no.
What's sad is that I have interviewed several pediatricians, all of whom want to put him on feeding schedules, limited intake, switch to cow's milk, switch to water for all but two bottles a day - I've gotten some crazy suggestions. When I ask about higher-weight babies with thin parents, they tell me that they wouldn't recommend any of this to them because "the babies will just thin out someday." My common refrain in the doctor's office these days is "What would you recommend to thin parents?"
For what it's worth, my son is 97th percentile for height, 95th percentile for head size and 90th percentile for weight. Part of my hesitation (okay, more like deep unwillingness) to do feeding schedules and limited intake is that my parents did it with me. My father tells everyone he encounters with a baby about how I cried and cried. They followed the schedule the pediatrician gave them - so many ounces every so many hours. My mother pumped so they could measure the milk and later switched to formula. They took me to countless doctors, some diagnosed me with various conditions. I was "diagnosed" with a pyloric valve issue and they wanted to do surgery. There was a grandmother in the doctor's office that my parents were at to discuss this and she told my father "There's nothing wrong with that baby except HUNGER. You need to feed that baby." My father says he explained to her the feeding schedules, the pumping and measuring, the formula. She told him to "Knock that nonsense off, keep making bottles until the baby isn't hungry anymore." My father - fed up, tired and at the end of his rope went home and did exactly that. He said that it was the first night I slept at all for more than 30 minutes - he kept checking to see if I was alive. After that? No feeding schedules. I am the oldest of three children and the only overweight adult. The other two have no issues with food, exercise (as in, I require a lot of it to maintain and even more to lose) or weight. Ancedata, perhaps, but enough for me to say no to feeding schedules and metered intake.

Sounds familiar? What do you think?

Put slim-fast in that bottle!

2010-09-01T03:28:00.000-07:00

Center for Eating Disorders did a nice little piece on why our current obsession with weight, extending now to the VERY young is problematic.

BTW, the study they quoted in the article is a pretty poor design and is counter to many, many studies which show that the majority of larger babies will slim down over time (United States Preventive Services Task Force, Serdula, Huh...)

One of my favorite studies was a long-term (birth to adolescence) study in California showing that the two factors most associated with unhealthy weight gain in adolescence were 1) parents who were worried about their young child becoming fat (and presumable fed to try to avoid fatness) and 2) problems in the early (toddler/preschool) feeding relationship (conflict, power struggles...) Being breast fed, feeding low fat milk, waiting to start solids were not protective against adolescent weight gain. (The study did not address eating disorders.)

We can do more to prevent childhood obesity (and disordered eating) by supporting best feeding practices from birth...

Here is an excerpt from the article:
Consider moving away from a hyper-focus on weight, body type, BMI or any other calculator of weight. Like most efforts involved in parenting, it’s not an easy task to accomplish particularly when it seems like every newspaper article, concerned relative, or public service campaign is telling you to do the opposite. Do your best to focus instead on your child’s overall health (remembering that weight does not = health). Honor and accept your child’s natural body size and shape. Create positive goals around eating that involve paying attention to your baby’s or child’s internal hunger and fullness cues instead of relying on external messages about how much is “too much”.

*The photo is me around 1 year. "Obese" by today's standards and bottle-fed!!! E-gads!

Are you a mom of an infant? Are you worried already about your child's weight? What messages are you getting from your doctors, the media?

purple beans: kids are naturally excited about foods

2010-08-30T04:24:00.000-07:00

M's summer camp had a lovely little garden. I was bemused when a note came home one day with, "she even tried green beans!" (They are a favorite.)

We don't need to make smiley faces out of foods, or over-sell foods with crazy names or try to get kids to try new foods with bribes, reward stickers or praise.

Case in point? Purple beans.

After camp one day, M and I harvested in the garden. I got to try two new foods (for me too) with my daughter. That was pretty cool! We picked the above deep purple beans and snacked on them right off the vine, and brought about a dozen home. We also tried "golden raspberries" which I insisted were simply unripe, but M assured me was how they were supposed to be and were actually glorious, champagne-colored raspberries...

So we brought some beans and berries home to share with Dad but ran into the gaggle of neighborhood kids across the street. M skipped over to show them the veggies she picked and then doled out beans to share. Of the 7 kids there, all but one (who has food allergies which can contribute to an understandable caution about food) eagerly tried and ate the beans. No bribing, no rewarding, no faces, no lectures about vegetables. "Cool! A purple bean!"

"That's awesome!" We ran out before D got a chance to taste them.

It just reminded me again that the HOW of food and introducing it is so important. It was positive, no pressure, fun and a reminder that kids are naturally curious about new foods and we largely screw it up as parents and caregivers when we try to control the process.

Also, research shows that kids are more likely to try foods that they grow or have a hand in, but it is not a guarantee :)

Have you tried new foods with your kids?

Addendum: THANK YOU for the comments. I knew all of these children VERY well, one mom was there, I know the specific allergies of the child in question. I was with my child and asked permission from the mom (the neighbors all tend to be pretty free with sharing foods with my M as well) But, you are RIGHT. Always check with a parent before offering food to any child (preferably ever) but especially if you don't know the child's allergy history. M often wants to share things with kids I don't know at school/parks etc, and I always either ask, or tell the kids kindly that I can't share food unless the parents OKs it. Kids are pretty savy and used to this these days, I find.

I didn't hit my child in public, but I did let her eat Cheetos: when feeding "well" seems like "bad parenting"

2010-08-27T04:37:00.000-07:00

We were running errands the other day and stopped for an early lunch at Subway.

For some context, here is an excerpt from a post I wrote earlier this year about another Subway trip: "Another family was at Subway and it was painful to watch and listen to. Three boys- and every bite, every choice was argued, and counseled. First the argument for 9 grain bread, then trying to get some veggies on the subs, then the argument over the drink. (OK, chocolate milk) then over the chips, "You know you have to have baked chips, you can have baked Lays or Sun Chips..." Then the kids tried this one, "Mom, can we have cookies, it says they're baked and fresh! That sounds good, right?" Mom shut them down on the cookies, "I know what you're trying to do and it won't work..." Then there was threatening over eating the sub (all three were white bread with turkey,) not just the chips and chocolate milk... Ugh.

Back to this meal:

M had her standard turkey, cheese, tomatoes and extra pickles with mayo, oh , and a bag of cheetos and a juice box. I had my sandwich with Doritos which I enjoy on occasion. I wanted lemonade, but it was diet, so I had half fruit punch and half water. We enjoyed our sandwich. M ate about 2/3rds, and about half her Cheetos. She finished her juice box and asked to try my punch. She had orange stained fingers and a tell-tale fruit-punch moustache. I couldn't hide the crime! (sarcasm, or irony?)

I was a little bemused to note that I felt self-conscious when people looked at our table at our mounds of orange "junk food." I have to admit I would have felt "better" if people had seen M with a milk and apple slices, they would have thought I was a "better mother." I imagine that the current cultural norm about good feeding and parenting would have thought that the mother from the other post, who battled over every bite, who's kids likely would not eat "healthy" foods of their own free will, is the "better" mother- the one who cares about her child's health and weight.

It's crazy. I know I am feeding my child well, I know that she ate practically 2 grilled peppers with chicken and couscous for dinner. I know she gets a great variety of foods and feels good about eating and her body, I know that she stopped when she was full, and yet... I still feel the cultural pressure to be a "good" mom, and being a "good" mom, or parenting well these days means feeding a certain way...

I have had larger moms write in and say how difficult it is to feed children well when you, the parent, are fat. I can only imagine the stares, even comments some people would feel justified to make about a fat mom feeding her child the meal that M ate. There is so much misunderstanding about feeding, so much moralizing and assumptions about body size...

Feeding well today is countercultural, it's what less than one-in-five parents actually practice. It takes guts, especially if you're not a size two. People judge, watch, compare, think they know what good feeding is. When you ask for dessert with your child's meal, what kind of reaction do you get? When you let your child eat "junk" food, do you get comments? (I too have had the "Why are you feeding her that, you're making her obese!" comments...) It's no fun, it's not right.

Hang in there. Do what you know is best for your child, and know that I too struggle with a fear of judgement. (Trying to care less, but it's a pretty crazy world we live in, isn't it?!)

body diversity in Children's shows II: Lilo and Stitch

2010-08-25T06:44:00.000-07:00

Most Children's shows seem to take their cues from Keeping up with the Kardashians with the Bratz-doll look-alike Disney fairies and an apparent obsession with short-skirts, glitter, fake eye-lashes, dating etc.

Most shows that do feature children of different size have the caricature of the fat child or animal (think the gluttonous and out-of-shape cat on the latest Shrek) who is funny, lazy, silly, stupid, mean, or all of the above.

I wrote awhile ago about a show called Caillou for the younger set, and I've recently let M watch Lilo and Stitch (Netflix, commercial-free electronic babysitter while my childcare issues continue...)

Lilo is active, has friends of all sizes who are active. There is no mention of "being healthy" or using someone fat as a cautionary case.

As a bonus, none of the little girls seem sexualized. I have to say, I don't like all the teasing, the "mean-girl" language about how she is "weird," but overall it's one of the least offensive shows out there.

Are there books, shows etc that you like in terms of body-diversity? (I'd be curious if there are any ethnically diverse shows out there in any real way...)

pretty spoons

2010-08-23T04:20:00.000-07:00

I'm not much of a shopper for enjoyment, but I did buy one thing while I was in France. I found these little boiled egg spoons in a home-goods shop. They are made in Italy, plastic, not expensive and I just LOVE the colors. We eat boiled eggs fairly often, but I also enjoy using them with yogurt etc. They make me happy. M likes to choose her color and thinks they are pretty too. I think these would be great baby food spoons, but we're beyond that now... We also use them for jam in the mornings, and if we even have a party again would be nice for condiments...

Do you have a favorite dish, bowl or glass that seems to make a meal or an eating experience even more pleasurable? (I couldn't find them online for a link.)

"You're so brave!": how praise feels like pressure...

2010-08-20T09:00:00.000-07:00

I blogged recently about how M tried snails, and just about everything else on the trip (she didn't like them much, and a few things got spit into a napkin, but she enjoyed herself at the table...)

Well, at camp, the counselor came up to me and RAVED about how "BRAVE!" M was to have tried snails. How they were all "so impressed!"

Stop it! I wanted to yell... "Of course she tried snails, and nutella and lots of other delicious things!" I replied, smiling...

What does it do to a child's natural curiosity, her natural drive and ability to try and learn new foods when adults praise?

Will she be as likely to try snails or a new food again, or did that praise feel like pressure? Did that word "brave" imply that there was something unusual about trying snails, or something scary about snails or new foods?

What do you think?

Helicopter Feeding: parents, you're working too hard and it's not helping!

2010-08-19T04:29:00.000-07:00

We can't escape it, it's all around us. Pressure, power-struggles, picky eating, over-managing children's eating. Here is a great, succinct piece from Ellyn Satter on what I have come to call, "Helicopter feeding." It doesn't have to be so hard! I have also reprinted the article below, with permission. Thoughts?

By the way, this photo cracks me up. It's from an article on how to "get your kids" to eat veggies. Notice the "dad" is trying to feed some to the kid and she has her arm up pushing him away. Classic! A great unintended visual example of how pressuring kids to eat more fruits and veggies backfires...

July 2010 • Family Meals Focus #47 • Pressured on All Sides

The Feeding with Love and Good Sense Video and Teacher's Guide, published in 1987, is being revised! The Childhood Feeding Collaborative of the Santa Clara County Public Health Department in San Jose, CA funded the videography and recruited parent volunteers. I produced 30 hours of footage with as many families and am well on my way to turning the footage into about an 80-minute video that addresses feeding the (infant, transition, toddler, preschooler). I have lots of plans for making further use of this footage, but enough of that. Let's talk about what I saw.

To put a positive spin on it, parents work way too hard! To put a not-so-positive spin on it, parents are interfering. They sit down to a lovely meal and spoil it right away by telling the child, "you know the rules-you have to eat your vegetables." Often the "eat your vegetables" admonition reverberates, with one parent picking up the words of the other and the first amplifying the second and back again. Parents peer and arrange and wipe-wipe-wipe and scrape together the child's food. They tap the child's plate and interrupt her conversation to remind her to finish whatever-it-is. They insist on one bite of everything and reason and praise and feed children who are old enough to feed themselves and explain about nutritional superiority and make bargains about "first this and then that." They keep up a rat-tat litany: Use your fork, use your spoon, use your napkin. For their part, children do not easily give up their rights with eating. They argue, whine, cry, resist and evade, become defiantly messy, throw anything within reach, and press their parents to make increasingly ridiculous food bargains.

As a result of all this static, children are so stressed that they lose touch with themselves: their internal cues of hunger and satiety, their enjoyment and curiosity about food, and their pride in learning to do well with eating. But parents are stressed as well. They do not enjoy making their child miserable, but they do it anyway because they think it is good parenting with food. Why all the fuss? If children get the support they need - enjoyable family meals - they push themselves along to learn to eat the food their parents eat. Eventually they even do it neatly. Where do parents get the idea that they have to micromanage children's eating? This pattern is not confined to San Jose, CA, nor is it new. Thirty years ago, an experienced Pediatric Nurse Practitioner observed to me, "If a child eats, parents think it is all their idea."

Given this pressure on their eating, little wonder that children who are at all cautious and limited in with respect to eating develop extreme food selectivity or bizarre food behaviors. If fed according to a division of responsibility and allowed to move along according to their own tempo, slow-to-warm-up children learn to enjoy a variety of food. Really cautious kids, such as those with sensory integration disorders and autism spectrum disorders, still push themselves ever-so-slowly along to learn to eat. To do that they need structure, opportunities to learn and no pressure. Children with neuromuscular limitations struggle to manage the nipple or the spoon and eat until they run out of energy and it stops being enjoyable. Then they need nutritional support delivered in some other way so they and they and their parents don't have to wear themselves out satisfying their nutritional requirements.

The take-home message is that we have work to do. We must let these poor parents - and these poor children - off the hook by teaching parents the division of responsibility in feeding. Along with that, we must help parents identify when they are putting pressure on feeding, and give them the good news about how much happier they and they child will be if they stop it.

Copyright © 2010 by Ellyn Satter. Published at www.EllynSatter.com.

Rights to reproduce: As long as you leave it unchanged, you don't charge for it, and you include the entire copyright statement, you may reproduce this article. Please let us know you have used it by sending a website link or an electronic copy to info@ellynsatter.com.

Please recommend Family Meals Focus to your family and friends.

If you like, point your browser to www.EllynSatter.com/newsletter where you'll find an easy sign-up form.
DISCLAIMER: The information contained in Family Meals Focus is intended to inform our readers about issues relating to feeding dynamics in general and family meals in particular. It is not intended to replace specific advice from a health care professional.

nutrition "education," calorie counting for the preschool age

2010-08-18T04:43:00.000-07:00

I was enjoying the local farmer's market this weekend and sitting next to my daughter who was coloring at a lovely little shaded area with beanbag toss (based on the food pyramid-ugh) when I read this piece of cow-dung. I was only happy that my little M doesn't know how to read yet.

The bottom part if you can't read it says: (exclamations are theirs, not mine)

Circle the healthiest choice (fewest calories)!

Ring the cowbell!

1/2 cup diced fruit salad (60 calories)

1/2 cup diced fruit salad with 2 Tbspn orange juice (88 calories)

1/2 cup diced fruit salad with 2 Tbspns light yogurt (96 calories)

Oh, where to begin!!

Nutrition education for children has the potential to do great harm. I wonder why adding yogurt is not "healthy" or the assertion that the definition of "healthy" is low calorie. Low-calorie and low-fat diets fail nutritionally for small children (and fail for adults too.) I won't elaborate on why this is garbage "nutrition" info which is more harmful than helpful. (Think of a table of first grade comparing calorie and fat counts in the name of health-it's happening people.)

I spoke with the nice folks who worked for this farm/education group and explained that I was a family doctor and feeding specialist and that their info was wrong and dangerous. I also said I would not stick around for the cooking demo (fruit salsa, could be great, but don't want M hearing about "healthy" eating from these folks...) The lady explained that they had a dietitian come up with the materials and that they "struggled" with them.

Brother. Stop. Don't wade in where you are not qualified, don't promote more craziness around food. Why not just color in the picture and talk about all the delicious foods at the market, talk about how gorgeous the colors are. Do your demo, be positive, be happy, let us taste the amazing fruits of our farmer's labors, just leave "health," calories, fat out of it. It managed to do what so much nutrition and health info does these days, take such potential and passion and energy- and poison it with misinformation and misguided food moralism.

(BTW, I couldn't help saying, "More cowbell!" ala SNL. I thought I was pretty clever...)

Keep your eyes out for garbage nutrition messages aimed at kids. Share them here! I think you'll be surprised what you find when you open your eyes...

morning TV and the best quote from Governor Huckabee

2010-08-17T04:32:00.000-07:00

So I was walking on my treadmill yesterday flipping through morning TV (we are going to get a DVR box as I can't stand live TV, especially in the mornings...)

So the Huckabee Show was on Fox. He had three "experts:" Meme Roth, Miss Plus-sized Elite and Kathy Ireland. Same old same old from the guests (Meme-"but obesity is the devil!!!"/Miss Plus-sized "accept and love yourself...") but Huckabee came out with a few choice lines given his history...

I paraphrase as accurately as possible without a rewind or text:

"For the six weeks I'm doing this show, I'm back on my rigid health plan and I've lost 14 1/2 pounds in two weeks!" cue wild audience applause... (BTW, he looks somewhere in between the two above photos if you're interested...)

"But it's not about weight, it's about eating right and being healthy, and doing it for your Creator, or your family..."

Huckabee is the former governor of Arkansas (Also author of Quit Digging Your Grave with a Knife and Fork...) who brought in BMI monitoring to Arkansas schools, intense obesity prevention- in the standard approach- and celebrated having the first state to halt the increase in overweight in children (0.1% reduction.) Except that this was actually a national trend that other states also experienced without the expensive and potentially harmful intervention, and over the same time period in Arkansas, African American girls experienced continued dramatic weight increases, and the number of "underweight" children increased...

I try not to be snarky (not trying very hard this morning) but I guess he decided to pick up that fork again. He talks like it's easy, that anyone can "eat right and exercise" (like Meme Roth who won't eat until she runs 4 miles a day, even if it's in the afternoon) that anyone who honors God should be able to lose weight. His personal story makes me sad for him. Years of misery, self-loathing and crash yo-yo dieting, jokes about his large children etc. What I don't feel sorry for is his preaching, his use of his position of power to shove the same nonsense about weight loss, restriction, dieting (though couched in more palatable terms) on the public at large.

Ugh. I hope someone out there appreciates that I watched a full 10 minutes of Meme Roth and Huckabee so you don't have to! (By the way, The View featured "cleanses" that were "healthy and not a diet" with between 1000 and 1200 calories, and also had a family that "banded" together (the whole family, minor children as well had lap band.) I did not watch this...

SUGAR: trust your body, not your brain, oh and fat women can self-regulate too...

2010-08-16T04:28:00.000-07:00

Here is an interesting article about sugar, weight and internal regulation. This apparently replicated findings on a similar study done on 'normal' weight women.

Basically they took 'overweight' women (25-30 BMI) and fed two groups with a sweet beverage. One group had artificial sweetener and the other had a sugar sweetened drink. Neither group knew what they were drinking.

The coolest part? The women who drank more calories from the sugar sweetened beverage consumed less throughout the day. When their minds were taken out of the equation, their bodies regulated and compensated by consuming fewer calories. Those 'fat' women were able to self-regulate. They could trust their bodies.

(Different studies show that when women THINK they are eating low-fat yogurt for example, but it is high in fat, they actually eat MORE throughout the day. The so-called "halo" effect means people tend to eat more if foods are labeled low-fat or even organic.) The body does a better job than the brain. (Internal vs. cognitive control of intake.)

A few quotes from the article:

"The results show that overweight women do not suffer adverse effects, such as weight gain or mood fluctuation, if they do not know whether or not they are drinking a sugary or artificially sweetened drink. Instead women took in fewer calories elsewhere in the diet, to balance the calories in the drinks."

"Widespread publicity about the supposed harmful effects of sugar may make such effects more likely, as believing sugar to be harmful may encourage negative emotions after eating sugary food and lead to the abstinence violation effect."

Have you experienced the "abstinence violation" effect? In other words, the binge after the diet? The being 'bad' after the being 'good?' The "I've been starving all day and now I'm, stressed and can't hold myself back anymore?"

The good news is we can trust our bodies. We just have to learn how to get our heads and all the crazy around food out of the equation...

harmful assumptions abound; calorie counts and BMI

2010-08-12T10:47:00.000-07:00

Recently a study found that most Americans don't know how many calories they are "supposed" to eat in a day.

"... some simple calorie know-how would go a long way toward helping people lose or maintain their weight. " Really?

It went on in the typical manner of "tsk, tsk, if the people only knew how many calories they needed to eat, we could finally tackle the obesity epidemic."

This is an example of a cultural belief that goes largely unquestioned that more information, more cognitive control, more knowledge of calories/fat grams would help. I would posit that it is as likely to be harmful. Are there any studies that show that when people know how much, or what kinds of food they "should" eat that they are more likely to do it? I would guess that many life-long dieters and disordered eaters know better than anyone how many calories they should eat, the exact calorie counts of foods etc and still struggle mightily with eating and weight. If only knowing how much to eat would solve the problem, then Weight Watchers Point System would work, when in fact they have a similar failure rate of most diets around 90-95%...

Another example of unquestioned assumptions is the general belief that if only parents KNEW their child's BMI, had that note or diagnosis labeling their child as 'obese' or 'overweight' that we would finally get this childhood obesity thing under control! It is this thinking that is pushing ever more aggressive screening at doctor's offices and schools. Intuitively it seems to make sense, but several studies suggest that labeling children with BMI leads to MORE dieting, MORE disordered eating, LESS physical activity and MORE weight gain for children. Handing that parent the red-slip is more likely to do harm than help the child.

I would just like to see a little intellectual effort in our public health arena and health reporting.

Can you think of other "assumptions" about eating, health or weight that go unquestioned but are highly questionable?

croissants vs snails, a reminder that feeding kids isn't just about the food

2010-08-10T05:57:00.000-07:00

Well, I'm back from France with M, digging out from hundreds of emails. Thanks for your comments while I was gone. I will get to them and give them the proper attention soon (probably next week as I leave soon for an exciting workshop in Iowa on Thursday!)

I was reminded that there is so much more at play with food than the actual food. I think I've said before that it's 90% psychology. Here is a perfect example...

For weeks before the trip I was mentioning how much I was looking forward to croissants. Really, I love them, and when in France I eat a lot of them. I never said, "M, you'll love them, you have to try them!" More of just, "Wow, I'm excited to have some croissants next week!"

So, I rode the rickety old bike to the bakery and brought back bread, croissants, pain-au-chocolat (croissants with chocolate baked into them) and M wouldn't try it. She refused for almost 2 weeks. The one time she tried it was on the day when there was only one left from the day before and her cousins wanted it. (Scarcity is a great motivator...) Then she tried it and liked it. I am convinced that had I not talked about it before the trip, she would have tried it without a fuss, as she did with almost everything else on the trip, including the snails above (bigorneau) which I refuse to eat (I tried them years ago and I am not a fan...) It creeps me out when you pull them out of the shell with a little pin and they uncurl and then curl up again. (I think you can zoom in on the photo if you're interested and see the pile of meat on the bottom right...) Ew. (I of course did not share this with M.)

On another note, I enjoyed sometimes two croissants for breakfast that are loaded with butter and flaky and delicious. I felt no guilt or shame, and by the last few days, I had kind of had enough. I didn't want them anymore. I will look forward to them again in two years! In the past, before really accepting eating all foods and trusting my body, I had often felt some of the usual, "I shouldn't really eat this..." and had more conflicted feelings and never really felt I had had "enough."

I have also been up since 3:30, so this is a little rambly.

Have you had experiences where you felt that the psychology of the situation and not the food, the flavor or texture was what influenced whether your child (or you) tried or ate something or not?

(I have never tried my Dad's home-made chutney which I think is because I was pressured so much to do so over the years...)

feeding with ED in the kitchen, will you share your experiences?

2010-08-06T02:35:00.000-07:00

This comment to a recent post made me teary. This is why I do what I do.

I am finding that about half of the mothers I work with on feeding issues will share a history of an eating disorder with me. This is an area I am really interested in. Would you share your story? How does feeding children trigger or heal you? Can you see potential for your own healing through feeding your children? Tell me whatever comes to mind. Are you struggling in recovery? Did you grow up with a sister or mother or brother with an eating disorder? Do you worry about it when you feed? Is it changing/spoiling your feeding?

"thanks for your blog....i have been bulimic for 18 years now (wow thats more than half my life) that i STILL struggle with... I am scared to DEATH of passing on my ed to my kids...and your easy intro to the family eating question has me making healthier choices and feeling far more at ease with what my kids eat....i have learned to quit freaking out when one child refuses to eat nothing but meat and potatoes (she obviously needed the fuel...she shot up 2 inches in the following week...and went back to normal eating after the growth spurt) ...and to see their rythms as natural....i have healthy food available for snack times and cook balanced meals.... thank you for taking the great fear around food and the family that i had."

I am out of town, but am working on some thoughts about feeding when you or a loved one are in recovery, your comments will be really helpful...

cambozola! Two great tastes that go great together...

2010-08-04T06:28:00.000-07:00

I love this cheese. I just figured out it's a mix between gorgonzola and camembert. I'm a little slow! It's at Trader Joes and Costco. Creamy and mild, yummy with salami and pita bread and sour pickles on the side.... Yummo!

So you have a favorite cheese? My niece, at age 3 (lives in France speaking English too) said, "Moi, moi, moi, j'aime le Stinky Cheese!"

making muffins last

2010-08-02T08:01:00.000-07:00

From a comment on Sneaky Chef or leftovers:
Restless Native wrote:

Here's the basic recipe I use for most muffins. It's infinitely variable--you can use nearly anything that strikes your fancy:

Pumpkin is our house favorite, but orange/pineapple or carrot/pineapple/white raisin are well-received, too. I also sometimes omit the sugar and add cheddar cheese and crumbled bacon. These are really good split and toasted for breakfast.

I have another muffin trick you might need if you're going to make a whole batch of muffins. A little old lady told me years ago that muffins stay fresh-tasting best if you let them cool and stick them in a brown paper bag, roll the bag down, and put that in the freezer. I'd been using plastic wrap or a ziplock bag if I thought to freeze extras at all. Well, I was curious (and skeptical), but I have to say that she was absolutely right! Now I do this with all muffins we're not going to eat right away. They thaw pretty quick on the counter, or are ready to go if you zap them for about ten seconds in the microwave. They'll keep at least a month in the freezer if you use a clip or something to hold the bag closed.

remember, I am still out of town! :)

tomato salads, easy, sweet, kid-friendly

2010-07-30T04:24:00.000-07:00

It's tomato time. Cut up tomatoes, a drizzle of sweet balsamic and maybe some olive oil. You can add basil, salt and pepper, fresh mozzarella...

M has always liked this. Introduce it early. It's a great lunch item in a little tupperware with a fork...
reminder, I am out of town...

when to throw out the milk, the Chinese food?

2010-07-28T12:21:00.000-07:00

Still Tasty answers all your food safety questions. I've spent some time surfing around and learned some great tips! Go to the FAQ section. Did you know you can freeze fresh eggs, and yogurt is generally safe for over a week after the use by date? Check it out.

i am out of town....

the aspirations we have for our little girls... depressing

2010-07-26T04:57:00.000-07:00

Girls book of Glamour. A Guide to being a godess..

(Girl in the tub scrubbing her dainty, surely 'fiercely' polished toes...)

The Boys Book of Greatness, how you can be the best at everything... (boy playing hockey)

This in the tween section at Target.

Ugh. This makes me crazy, but doesn't surprise. Anyone who has been shopping in the traditional toy stores see "girls" items: dress-up princess clothes, "heel-highs" as M calls them, slutty looking dolls, make-up kits, spa-play, tiny compact mirrors, cell-phones. The most active her make-believe roles might get is to make-over animals at the puppy salon, or be a contestant on American Idol...

I am out of town... Will try to reply to comments when I get back...

Boys on the other hand can be fire-men, police, work in construction, sports, rockets, etc. (OK, so there isn't really the accountant or MBA action figure, but their roles and fantasy lives are not encouraged to be based solely on their looks and outer appearance.)

It seems to be getting worse, it seems unstoppable. It makes me sad. It makes sense that most tween girls are dieting when they have been fed a steady intake of body-image damaging and distorting garbage from birth it seems... Sorry for the rant.

do you know what goes on at your child's school/daycare?

2010-07-23T03:41:00.000-07:00

Is your child being fed well at school, or are the feeding practices there making things worse. Recently I shared that M's camp doesn't follow the Division of Responsibility. You know, making the kids eat all their "real" food before they can earn the treat. My friend also disclosed that her son was coming back from his school with his "treats" because he wasn't eating enough of the arbitrary amount that the 22 year old counselors thought was enough for him to earn dessert. (Sorry for the snarkiness, but this is not OK.)
A recent article in the Journal for Nutrition Education videod several early childhood providers and their interactions with the kids around food.

There were TEN TIMES as many verbal cues and pressure episodes to eat more, or different foods that did not take into account or encourage the child to eat based on internal sensations of hunger and fullness. (380 vs 38...) There was lots of "two more bites of this" and "you can eat your dessert when..."

Remember that over time, children can be fed in a way that overrides and burries their internal cues which means they are likely to eat more or less then they need.

picky eating, size concerns: "don't worry about it" means different things to different people

2010-07-22T04:52:00.000-07:00

A mom called me to talk about her teen who has been eating -almost exclusively- microwaved lean pockets for 7 years. At every doctor's visit she was told not to worry about it, that it was fairly nutritious, and he would likely grow out of it. A young pediatrician recently wrote in (A., I read your comment but couldn't find it when I needed to post! Sorry) to say when parents come to her with picky eating complaints, she too tells them not to worry. I probably gave similar advice ('mac-n-cheese is fine! Just add a multivitamin!) when I was a new doc.

I look back now at how naive I was, how misinformed, and how unhelpful ultimately to so many parents. You see, I grew up with structure, family meals, enough money for a wide variety of foods that were largely presented in a pleasant atmosphere free of pressure. (I think part of me assumed that was happening in most homes.) I had no training in feeding other than how to concentrate formula and calculate calorie needs for the "feeders and growers" in the neonatal ward, and I didn't have my own kids. (OK, a few lectures on breast-feeding and perhaps a review of a handout about starting solids, always the what, never the HOW to feed...)

In short I had no idea how many families struggle with feeding, how many moms truly agonize over intake or a child's size. I had no idea how many of the moms I was seeing had themselves struggled with eating and were terrified of feeding their child. I didn't know how normal it was for most families to feed children one meal (often the same meal of macaroni and cheese and nuggets) and feed themselves later, and how much energy went into trying to get the kids to eat more or different foods. I didn't know that most of these picky kids were "good eaters" early on but systematically coned down to an accepted menu of brown and beige foods because parents didn't know how to handle normal feeding stages, or fed out of worry over nutrition or size (see last few paragraphs of that post.)

I didn't know that most feeding advice (if parents got any) was counterproductive. I didn't know that most folks today (kids included) seem to graze most of the day. I had no idea how much pain and conflict was inflicted in the name of weight and nutrition. (The moms who call crying because a child is refusing to eat and is losing weight, or another child is showing markedly disordered behaviors at age 7...)

OK, back from "tangent land."

point 1) your doctor might not have a clue. There, I said it. I didn't have a clue.

point 2) your doctor may be giving you bad advice. Again, I did...

point 3) health care providers, be careful about saying, "Don't worry about it" in terms of picky eating or odd eating behaviors.

More on "don't worry"

for health care providers and parents, just to make it extra confusing :)

First you need to ask more questions about feeding. A normal weight or growth curve should not give false confidence that feeding is going well. As a parent, if you see a health care provider and you're worried, and you are not getting your concerns addressed, ask yourself some more questions, get help... (Or if you get advice that sounds off like, "Just serve beef and green beans for 3 days, he'll learn to like it..." don't give up!)

Docs, ask: (moms, ask yourselves...)

How is feeding going?

How do you/I feel about feeding?

Are you/we eating meals as a family?

Do you/I struggle with eating?

Do you/I continue to offer a variety of foods?

Are you/we getting into battles around food?

Are you/we worried about your/our child's size?

Are you/we familiar with or following the Division of Responsibility?

Because, "don't worry about it" might be just the right advice for a family that is otherwise doing well with feeding. Support and optimize good feeding practices.

But –and here is the sad part– a family that is really struggling who is told, "don't worry about it," as is often the case, is a missed opportunity. It is much easier to turn around a feeding issue when a child is 5, vs 15... "Don't worry about it" to some means, keep serving mac-n-cheese and nuggets every night so you don't have to fight about is as much. Keep bribing and pressuring, keep worrying. And maybe 5, or 20 years go by (seriously) where the child only eats 5 foods, or maybe the dieting starts or the disordered eating...

Ask the feeding questions, optimize best feeding, educate yourself (Child of Mine should be required reading in all med schools as far as I'm concerned...) or at least have some titles or handouts you can refer parents to. Don't worry, but do have family meals, do offer variety, don't feed with pressure, do eat foods you enjoy, and follow up.

Moms, have you been told, "don't worry about it?" Did you still worry? What wacky advice have you gotten about your feeding concerns? From whom? Family? Docs?

heading out of town soon...

2010-07-21T10:08:00.000-07:00

On Sunday, I leave town for just over two weeks and will be gone with work and family visits much of the rest of the summer. I was wondering what you think about a few ideas while I'm gone.

1) post a few oldies but goodies...

2) post a few from my draft pile with mostly recipes and food ideas

3) take a vacation

I don't want to miss out on any great discussions, but I don't want to just cut everyone loose for two weeks.

Either way, I hope you'll be back! Consider signing up on FACEBOOK (fan Family Feeding Dynamics) so you don't miss when I get back into the swing of things, or sign up to follow with an RSS, or whatever system you use!

savory and sweet, the waffle bar

2010-07-21T02:26:00.000-07:00

These were so good last weekend! We made waffles (home-made) and served them with ham and cheese and also with maple syrup. it solved my perennial breakfast dilemma-salty or sweet?

We put about 1/3 cup mix, then sprinkled some sliced ham and shredded Jarlsburg cheese into the middle, then put another 1/3 cup or so on top and cooked. It took a little more time than the usual. I could also have regular ones. This was yummy and fun! (Your waffle iron may need different amounts...)

M's immediate reaction was to reject the new waffles. We said, "You don't have to eat anything you don't want to," put both kinds on a platter and went about enjoying breakfast. About half way through, she served herself a quarter of a ham and cheese one and ate it. She said she didn't like it, which is fine. Kids will often reject foods. If you can remain neutral and leave the control up to them (serve foods family style) chances are they will be more likely to try something new or previously rejected.

I think this would be yummy with leek and potato soup in the winter. I actually found myself missing winter and all the wonderful food that you just don't want to cook when it's 90 degrees...

Basic Waffle recipe from Joy of Cooking

preheat iron

whisk together in large bowl

1 3/4 cups AP flour

1 Tbspn baking powder

1 Tbspn sugar

1/2 tspn salt

whisk together in another bowl

3 large eggs, well-beaten

4-16 Tablespoons (4 is "low-fat", 16 is crunchiest, we use about 6-8) MELTED

1 1/2 cups milk (we have 1%)

We pour the wet into dry and just mix until dry ingredients are gone. there should be lumps...

What sounds good to put into your waffles? Might a waffle bar be a fun way to introduce your little ones to different things? You can cut them into quarters and share! What have you stuffed into waffles? I had this when I was a little girl in Switzerland visiting family. It made an impression!

calcium update and food presentation

2010-07-19T01:06:00.000-07:00

I recently was at two events where kids were able to chose foods from a buffet. One was at a friend's afternoon party, another was at a WIC tasting cafe. (Woman, Infants, Children supplemental food program food tasting event.) At my friend's house, there was a bowl of berries, and also fruit kebabs with almost exactly the same fruit. The kids grabbed the kebabs and pretty much ignored the berries. I was helping M with her plate and she said, "No thank you" to a spoon full of berries, but ate about 4 berry kebabs. Similarly with the WIC cafe, the kids gravitated immediately to the fruit kebabs and helped themselves. Many, after checking for permission, came back for seconds and thirds. No one was cajoling or threatening the kids, they gravitated to the fruit and loved it. (I was a little nervous with toddlers walking around with pointy sticks, but all was well!)

On another "presentation" note, I have been sharing my odyssey of my daughter drinking far less milk, and recently also not choosing other calcium-rich foods. I decided to try some go-gurts (she liked them for awhile, then seemed to not eat them as much so I hadn't bought them for some time...) to add to our snack repertoire and she seems to really enjoy them. She hasn't been eating much of the yogurt in a cup, but maybe just the new presentation was a kick-start. Who knows! I presented it as part of snack, in a neutral and pleasant way.

She had two for snack yesterday with strawberries, and two with morning snack with a baggie of Kix-which she didn't eat. I will continue to rotate it through her meals and snacks (dessert one night, or dessert with lunch maybe) as well as cheese, regular yogurt and offering milk. I'll keep you posted...

I also had to remind myself as I was thinking of other foods to offer, that I was limiting her choices based on old exposures. I caught myself saying, "she doesn't like rice pudding" when in reality she had only maybe seen it 4 or 5 times, and the last time was months ago. (One family I worked with, the mom said, "My boys don't like shrimp" and the dad said, "we haven't had shrimp in this house for 5 years," and two of her children were under age 5...) So I bought some rice pudding (which I enjoy :) and offered it. She tried it the other night for dessert and said, "no thanks, I don't like it." Fair enough!

The trap parents can get into is worrying about a certain nutrient or food group. I think I recently blogged about a mom who was worried about her toddler's protein intake and knew he would reliably eat chicken nuggets, so she was serving them most nights. This is how you can start to cone down the foods your child will accept. Feeding from a place of active worry almost as a rule doesn't help, but makes matters worse.

Same for me. I need to now resist the temptation to serve go-gurt three times a day and lose out on variety! Remember what Ellyn says, the child's attitude about eating is more important than what they eat on any given day (or week sometimes!)

Think of a list of foods your child "doesn't like" or "won't eat" or "won't accept." Honestly think back to when the last time was that you offered that food, and try to honestly guess how many total, NEUTRAL exposures your child has had. Maybe it's time to give some of those foods a second (or third, or thirtieth...) chance!

'doh! Thanks doc! and a new phase of picky?

2010-07-16T07:42:00.000-07:00

We were at the pediatrician's yesterday. Generally I really dig her, she is very low-key and never mentions M's BMI... M and I are pretty excited to be preparing to visit my brother who lives in France. We go every two years to visit our only cousins! Anyhoo, M was talking about how we are going to go shrimp fishing and how excited she is. The doc chimes in with, "We were just in France, and you know she won't eat anything there! My kids only ate crepes and Sprite!"

Thanks! Great! Why put the notion into her head, from a doctor of all things? Again, we need to have an expectation of mastery and success, not pre-determined failure when it comes to food. Reminds me of the parents who go into restaurants saying, "You probably won't like anything here..." and then seem surprised when indeed the child meets those expectations. Our words matter!

I am also noticing recently much more vociferous opining about foods from M, who is almost 5. "Yuck, that tastes gross," is coming out of her mouth about foods she's never tried. This is new and I'm not loving it. I wonder if this is peer influence? Overall she still seems to be enjoying a wider variety, but there seems to be more immediate rejection, then coming around. I'm glad I have the tools to handle this... I hope!

Parents, did you notice changing attitudes around kindergarten age? Is it peer influence, or the preschool time when kids are eager to please is coming to an end? Have you seen your kids attitude about food influenced by a friend who is "allergic" or a "vegetarian" or "doesn't eat anything green?" (I frequently get demos of how her little buddy C eats apple slices, very gingerly eating all but the peel...)

burrito bounty, kid eats only white rice...

2010-07-15T04:38:00.000-07:00

I wanted to try a recipe for Cuban Beans and Rice. I had some tomatoes and lettuce from our turkey curry the night before so I thought I'd do burritos.

The beans were pretty good, I added 1/2 Knorr chicken cube during cooking and probably would do a whole one next time, and maybe add the garlic closer to the end of cooking? It was a little bland (might be good for little ones though.)

I had avocado, lettuce, cheese, sour cream, beans, rice, chicken (just sauteed it with oil, salt and pepper) fresh cilantro and yellow heirloom tomatoes. My husband and I were in heaven. They were SOO good, but big and messy with our overload of fillings...

M, who is almost 5, and normally a very adventurous eater, only ate the white rice.... (I am not going to debate if white rice is the new devil, even though a nutritionist recently told me she would only feed it to her dog, and even then only if he had diarrhea...)

It was annoying, and frustrating. I get how hard it must be for parents with children who are picky to watch a child only eat rice or pasta or bread when an incredible meal is on the table, that took some effort to prepare. I can see why it would be easy, and even intuitive on some level to actively try to get the child to eat more variety. One of my first clients was a nutritionist who loved to cook, and her then almost 3 year old little girl pretty much only ate plain rice and pasta...

But, I stuck to the principles and didn't beg or cajole, or even offer more than a few times :)

I said, "well, everything is on the table, if you can't reach something you want, let me know." She didn't.

It's tough not to reason and pressure. It doesn't help to reason and pressure and it might hurt, but it's hard not to.

I'll keep you posted!

are "obese" people "hedonists" when it comes to food?

2010-07-14T04:45:00.000-07:00

Yesterday's Wall Street Journal had an interesting article, Eating to Live or Living to Eat?
It talked about the impression that 'obese' people react differently to sweets and forbidden foods than 'normal' weight people. The notion that 'obese' people are hedonists and can't control themselves, that brain chemistry can explain the addiction to food. (See my review of End to Overeating for a brief discussion...)

Lots of the same old same old, 'obese' people are gluttons with a physiological explanation, but a few sentences stood out and gave me hope that we are starting to consider the feeding/eating relationship. They never come right out and say it...

"It's possible that these changes reflect how the brain has adapted to eating patterns in obese people, and that could create a vicious circle, putting them at risk for even more disordered eating," says Dr. Small.

I would have loved to see them talk about those "eating patterns" can we just spit it out? Dieting? Avoidance? Restriction? Years of yo-yo dieting where all of these foods have been forbidden, where maybe the obese subjects have a higher probability of having engaged in dieting? I would like to know. Did they include those factors in the study? (Of note, most obesity studies in children do not take into account at all the feeding relationship...)

There are plenty of other metabolic mysteries, too: Why are some "foodies" who get intense pleasure from eating able to stop when they're full and others aren't? Is the tendency to eat way past fullness genetic or learned behavior, and how much can it be changed?

Did they bother to ask about their eating styles, their dieting histories? Have their brains been wired for years that these foods are for pleasure or are these foods associated with shame, guilt, restriction and intense desire...

On people who have lost significant weight and kept it off through diet and exercise alone:

"They are very controlled individuals, and they are very rare. We had to fly some in from Alaska,"

I think that last part is my favorite sentence. Goes in the face of everything we hear about how simple it is to just eat less and exercise more!

Some of you may remember my favorite quote that these researchers might benefit from:

"Food might not be addictive on its own, but prohibiting it can set off a cycle of anxiety, craving, and overconsumption that for all purposes looks like addiction."

What do you think?

is it ever OK to eat in front of TV... and readers, how do you eat your popcorn?

2010-07-13T17:56:00.000-07:00

thanks for all your comments on my earlier post. A question popped up, and was one of my reader questions: Is it OK to occasionally eat in front of the TV?

Sure! We do the same, about every 10 days or so we plan to have our snack during a movie- usually popcorn (M likes hers air-popped with butter and sugar like in Germany) with some lemonade and fruit. I do think she tends to eat more than she would otherwise, but I trust that her internal regulation will work it out...
Ask yourself a few questions, something like, are you enjoying it? Are you watching TV to avoid each other, out of boredom, most meals and snacks, to tune out so you don't have to pay attention to what you are eating? How do you feel after you eat in front of the TV- "that was fun," or guilt, or "I can't believe I ate all that?" Eating for entertainment is sometimes OK and is part of normal eating.

international readers (more than 50 countries and territories are reading FFD!) how do you eat your popcorn?

"family dinner" brought to you by the iphone...

2010-07-13T06:43:00.000-07:00

Does this look familiar? What do you think? This was in the NYT recently about plugged-in parenting. Does this count as a family meal?

parents, a few thoughts if you go to urgent care...

2010-07-12T02:47:00.000-07:00

A family member recently went to urgent care and it got me thinking. From experience, both as a mom and a doc, there are a few things that can save you a TON of worry and time.

1) Ask whom to call if there is a problem with any prescriptions (what is the on-call physician number to call if you are at a clinic-based system.) We once had an antibiotic Rx "called in" to Walgreens and by the time I got there, the clinic was closed and Walgreen's had no record of the call... (It took about 90 minutes of calling back and forth, and pulling the "I'm a doctor" card to get the meds...) Also, who to call if the first dose results in vomiting?

2) ALWAYS ask for a written Rx, even if they "call in" a script (which is really handy on a weekend, which is when kids always seem to get sick...) That way if there is a problem, you have a paper back-up. If they are reluctant to call it in and hand you an Rx, ask them to put an expiration date on it, or whatever they are comfortable doing so you can have a paper copy. Lie if it makes you feel better, something like, "I know it's a hassle, but we once got really burned when the pharmacy said they couldn't find the script and the clinic closed and it took lots of work to get the medication." This will not work with narcotics or controlled substances FYI.

3) Ask what signs to look for that indicate if things are getting worse and what to do about it.

4) Call your pharmacy in advance to be sure they are open. In fact, if it's an odd Rx, you might even call ahead to see if they have the actual drug (recently the on-site pharmacy at my clinic did not have the ear-drops I needed so I called to another pharmacy to be sure I didn't waste a trip.) Most standard antibiotics won't need a call. Ask your prescriber if it is a commonly prescribed medication if you aren't sure.

5) Stock up on any 'as needed' meds when you get your prescription. Be sure to check if you have the right doses or types of meds for your child. Any Tylenol (warning, another recall just happened) or Ibuprophen or Benadryl etc. When your child is ready, a chewable is often preferable to huge swigs of infant or toddler liquids.

6) Speak up if you have any questions or concerns. I find it's much easier to be pushy or an advocate for my child than or myself. Don't be shy if you have questions.

7) If there are other children in the home, ask what to look out for and get the name written down of the actual diagnosis and the actual med so you can help out the nurse on-call, or the doc when your other little one gets sick :)

8)If your child is on any regular medications, bring them all with you in a brown bag. Have a current print-out from your family doctor or pediatrician about any allergies, problem-lists and medications.

9) Find out in advance which hospitals have pediatric ER for when it's really bad. Hopefully you'll never need it, but if a pediatric ER is the same distance as a regular hospital (as is the case where I live) you'll want to know where to go.

What else? I've been lucky with a pretty healthy child, other tips from parents out there?

a nice summary of picky eating tips

2010-07-09T07:22:00.000-07:00

Great tips on picky eating. Remember, kids don't make sense with food (see yesterday's post.) We need to be reliable, predictable and offer a tasty variety of foods...
Sound familiar? Hearing the message over and over, from different experts can be really helpful when you make the leap of faith to family meals and stopping the short-order cooking. Are you inspired?

breakfast theater, or act II of "tiny, crazy, irrational people"

2010-07-08T05:44:00.000-07:00

scene: breakfast
offerings: brioche, cereal, English muffin, yogurt, BANANA

me: Hey, M, would you like to cut the banana for us this morning? (offering her the chance to be involved in meal prep, all together now... Kids who are involved in meal prep are more likely-not gauranteed-to eat the foods they help with.)
M: no, gross, I don't want any banana
Me: You don't have to have any, please don't say 'gross,' but I want to cut it up for everyone to have some if they want. (I cut the banana.)

30 seconds later...
M: what's that yummy smell? Oh, it's the banana. May I have a piece of banana, please?
Me: Of course, help yourself. I like how you asked.
M: (happily eats banana chunk, after about 10 seconds, makes a face...) You know why I don't eat lots of bananas? They give me canker sores.
Me: Oh, really? Hmm.

remember, kids are tiny, irrational and unpredictable people around food. That is why we have to be predictable and neutral...

brioche rolls and flexible dinners...

2010-07-07T08:31:00.001-07:00

I slacked off on menu planning this week due to illness. I have to say, when I don't feel good, I don't enjoy planning and cooking. (My heart goes out to anyone living with chronic pain...)

Anyway, on the way home from camp, we pass Trader Joe's. M wanted to go in (she wasn't too excited about her mango and oatmeal cookie snack, and I think she was excited about the sucker you get for finding the hidden bunny... She die end up eating some oatmeal cookie with milk, but skipped the mango-a former favorite. Remember, small ones are not "rational" or consistent about food, that's why we have to be!)

Back from "tangent-land..."

I smelled these amazing brioche rolls and thought I'd make some kind of knock-off on a Phily-cheese steak. I bought steak, griddled a bunch of onions and peppers. (Folks from Phily, please forgive me...)

I wasn't sure how it would be, so I kept the Fajita option open. I served kind of a buffet with tortillas, buns, jarlsburg cheese, steak, avocado, onion mix- a kind of "onions and steak two-ways" if you will...

Here's what happened. The brioche was not yummy with the steak, but I did enjoy it immensely with butter and Jarlsburg, which is probably what I wanted all along! Kid and spouse preferred the Fajita-inspired route, though M ate mostly onions and peppers, skipping the meat this time.

It ended up that everyone was satisfied with a hap-hazard meal. If you are making something new, it's a good idea to pair it with something familiar. FYI, M is having re-heated onions in her lunch (along with a tortilla/cream cheese and ham, some yogurt and 2 pickles,) hope she doesn't want to give any kisses at camp today!

I think had I not had the tortilla option, it would have been a less fun/satisfying meal. What do you think? How do you improvise?

adult picky eaters

2010-07-06T07:16:00.001-07:00

There was an interesting article in the WSJ this morning about adult picky eaters.

Please check it out! Picky eating is one of the most common issues I help families with. As you see here, some kids don't outgrow their picky eating. If you are concerned, read a book, get some help. (Child of Mine, or Secrets to Feeding a Healthy Family, both by Ellyn Satter.)

Are you an adult who only eats a handful of foods? Will you share with us, and maybe how you were fed as a child?

It was interesting that the adults in this article describe their picky eating habits starting in childhood. One of the moms in the article is so scared her daughter will pick up her poor habits that she breaks into sweats and pushes food/ sticker charts for eating more at breakfast... Can you guess where this is likely headed?

This is pretty sad on many levels. I would imagine that these adults were not fed well as children. Were they catered to, fed special food just so they ate something? Were they provided the opportunity to try new foods without pressure? Were they forced to try new foods or eat "two-bites" of everything? Were they not fed reliably at all and had to fend for themselves? I hope that the Duke study into adult picky eating will consider how these folks were fed as children. The next level that is heartbreaking is how terrified the one mom in particular was of "passing on" her feeding issues and how she has not been given the tools to begin to succeed.

Ellyn Satter wrote a short piece on helping adult picky eaters.

Tell me what you think...

praising eating? reader question #1

2010-07-06T00:34:00.000-07:00

Here is the first question I chose to address from a reader...

"Lately I've been saying "good job!" to my 15-month-old during mealtimes. I know that's probably not the best thing to say. I'm wondering what kinds of things should be coming out of my mouth. Should we even be commenting on our daughter's eating at all? We mostly talk about other things while we eat, so it's not like I'm hovering over her making comments about every little thing she does or doesn't choose eat. :)"
S.H

Great question! Sounds like you're doing a great job, and it can sometimes be tough with a little one who is learning to be part of the family at the table.

S.H, sounds like you are having meals and structure and that you are eating together. A tad of tweaking and you might feel more confident with what you are saying. You are also heading into the most challenging feeding phase (I call feeding the toddler, the "perfect storm") where picky eating and the "terrible two" behaviors and power struggles can ruin the family table if you're not prepared.

Lots of parents praise, cheer-lead, and oversell foods in an effort to get their children to eat more, or certain kinds of foods. One Dad described really making a big deal about how his daughter liked to try new things in an effort to get his son to try them too. It didn't work, and on reflection, dad thought his son might have felt shamed by being compared, and also might have enjoyed the attention he got as the "picky one."

When you wonder about what you might be doing or saying around feeding, a great question to ask yourself is, "What is my motivation?" (I still do this.) Are you praising behaviors and perhaps effort with a new utensil, or are you praising eating certain amounts or kinds of foods? Is your effort strengthening or undermining your roles with the division of responsibility? In other words are you trying to do her job with feeding- the how much and if from what you provide? Are you getting push-back from your efforts? Does it make you feel better or worse about feeding?

Praise, sticker charts, rewards for eating are forms of pressure and will make many kids less likely to try and like new foods. One mom described her son this way, "The surest way to ruin anything for him was to try to lead him — he is a kid who wants to find his own way and will let us know if he needs our help. Even casually offering help might be enough to make him shut down. "

It's OK to comment on and praise manners. "I like how you asked for more potatoes so politely, here you go," or "Mommy likes these beans too," "Good job sitting so nicely," or "thank you for not interrupting..." or "thanks for helping me lay the table."

Phrases like, "What a good boy, you ate all your meat," or "good job drinking all your milk, it will help your bones grow strong!" or "I'm so proud that you tried some broccoli!" can all feel like pressure to some kids and might make things worse. Also, be careful not to label your child as a "good," "bad," or "picky" eater, even if you think they aren't listening.

Talk about your day, talk to each other, check in. (This will all get easier and way more fun the older your child gets!) Family meals are by far our favorite part of the day now.

I hope that answers your question, feel free to comment if you need more clarification...

Readers, what do you think?

simply cookies

2010-07-02T04:51:00.000-07:00

I'm back in town after 3 business trips this last month. Here is a quick post from my "draft" pile until I get my bearings...

I love these... I keep them in a big ziplock in the fridge. I can pull two out at a time and make them in my toaster oven and have home-baked cookies for afternoon coffee break! (A perk of often working from my home office!) I like that the ingredients are "simple." The list is abut 6 long. Butter, chocolate, vanilla, flour, eggs, salt, sugar... Sounds familiar?

M likes them too. We can cook them while making dinner and have fresh cookies for dessert.

Remember, kids do best if dessert is served with the meal. Offer one warm cookie (dessert is portioned) that the child can eat at any time during the meal. Serving dessert with the meal takes dessert off the pedestal, takes power from dessert, makes all foods equal (vs bribing with dessert which gives kids the message that dessert is good, and all other foods are bad.) It's amazing to watch your kid eat a bite of popsicle, then broccoli, then popsicle, then chicken...

Dessert is portioned (vs the rest of the meal that the child can pick and choose from) because sweets and desserts will take the place of more nutritious feeds if kids are given the choice.

hotel food

2010-06-30T09:07:00.000-07:00

One thing I feel like eating in hotels is microwaved popcorn and coke... I don't know why, but there is something indulgent about sitting in a big bed, watching TV and munching away! I've had to get lunch from the "pantry" so it's a "healthy choice" pasta dish, popcorn and coke.

Do you have travel food? Sausage McMuffin with egg and hasnbrowns is another semiannual fave or so... (sorry I don't know how to link on the "business center PC" but I wrote about this phenomena in May about appealing foods in certain contexts, and I don't know how to paste photos! I am a Mac victim...)

But I'm not hungry!! How it feels to be pressured to eat.

2010-06-29T04:43:00.000-07:00

Twice in the last week or so I have been pressured to eat when I didn't want to. Most of us can easily tap into the feelings we get when we are not allowed to eat, or when we are on a diet. Most adult Americans are currently ON a diet. I know that if I can't eat for whatever reason for an extended time (more then four hours) I will get anxious, irritable, grouchy and food pre-occupied. But, it is not often that adults get overt pressure to eat more...

Last week I was eating lunch with M and Hubby and I was chewing something. M leaned over and kept trying to put a chip in my mouth. "Just eat it Momma!" I would turn my head away, and when I turned my head back, there was the chip, pushed up to my lips which I kept clamped shut. (Does this sound familiar? I watched an almost-toddler go through this very thing at a restaurant last week. Dad kept pushing chopsticks with food at her mouth and she repeatedly turned away, adding a swat every now and then...) "No thank you, " I said after I had swallowed. I think she thought it was funny because she poked the chip at me one more time. I could feel myself getting angry. My body was tense, I was irritated and focusing on my frustration with her, rather than on the eating experience. "In this house we don't eat anything we don't want to. Please stop."

Then again, last week, I enjoyed a large and satisfying lunch only to have the next stop unexpectedly be a place with lots of wonderful foods– and the chef was there. The chef was so eager for me to try the foods that she verbally pressed me at least a dozen times to eat X, Y or try Z. I found myself getting really angry. In spite of several apologies that I was already uncomfortably full (I also topped the meal off with a hot coffee on a hot day) she persisted. I finally said, "I am so full that I am uncomfortable, I am sure your food is delicious but I am just not hungry. It's actually making me upset that you are pushing me to eat." Yet, she persisted... Finally I tried a few bites, and I specifically said, "I am not hungry, but I will eat this to make you happy." (The food was delicious, which I assured her.)

What surprised me in both instances was how upset, angry and physically tense I became. I resented that I was being pressured and pushed. I do this work all the time, talk to parents about how pressuring with feeding backfires, but I had usually been most able to empathize with pressure to eat less, not more food. It was fascinating!

I can only imagine if I was a toddler with the hair-trigger temper, where my main job developmentally is to assert my independence and "do it myself," how I would have reacted! (Moms and dads of toddlers can picture this as well!)

In the first scenario, I might have gotten so upset that I stopped eating before I was full. (It is hard to focus on sensations of hunger and fullness when you're upset.) In the second case, I overate to please someone else. (Might a pre-schooler do this to please a parent or favorite teacher who insists that all the "growing food" gets eaten before dessert?) In both situations, the pressure made it harder for me to tune-in to my internal cues and eat the right amount, and it spoiled the fun!

How do you feel when you are pressured to eat more or less food than you want?

teaching kids to overeat

2010-06-28T02:55:00.000-07:00

The summer-camp brochures probably don't say, "We'll teach your kids to swim, paint, get along with others, and overeat!"

My husband told me that while I was in Denver, M asked him to pack her less food for lunch. When he asked why, she said that the camp teachers have a rule that you have to eat all of your other foods before you get your "treat," and she was getting too full but still wanted to eat her treat. (Note, her lunches usually have leftovers like stir fry and rice, and one or two sides which might be a baggie of cherry tomatoes or red pepper, or pickles, maybe some tortilla chips, or yogurt, or carrots, and about twice a week she gets a mini candy bar or fruit snacks for dessert...As with every other meal and snack, the idea is that she gets to pick and chose from what I provide and decide how much or if to eat. I can't predict her hunger so I often pack extra. Some days she eats everything I send, others barely a bite...

Hubby said he was surprised by how mad it made him. (I thought this was cute :) He was upset that they are trying to push her to eat and are interfering- of course he left it to me to deal with so I get to look forward to dropping M off with a note in her lunch bag that says, "M is allowed to pick and chose from what we pack her. If she wants to eat her dessert first and only that, that's fine. Please do not make her eat or finish parts of her meal to get her dessert. She knows how to eat. Please call me if you have any questions." I have told M to hand them the note if they try to tell her anything about eating.

I'll talk to the director and her teachers to get them to "back the $%##!!& off," in a nice way of course. You see, I too am angry that they are interfering with her ability to tune in to hunger and fullness. We work hard to feed well, and it is getting harder as she goes out into the world more, to protect her from harmful interference.

Though, I imagine most parents come in asking the staff the opposite– to make sure the kids eat their "growing food" before the "treats." I am always amazed how many parents pick their kids up from school and the first question is, "Did you eat all your lunch?" while digging out the lunch box and inspecting the contents.

There are lots of reasons why making kids finish their food or arbitrary amounts before dessert mucks things up. Here are a few

1) it teaches kids to overeat. Dessert can taste so good they will often overeat to get to dessert.

2) it teaches kids that the only good food is the treat, and all the rest is what you have to slog through to get to it.

3) it takes over the child's job with feeding, deciding how much to eat.

4) it is hard work for the provider and a waste of effort

5) it sets up a power struggle and conflict

6) children eat LESS well (less fruits and veggies) when pressured

How do your childcare/schools support or undermine your feeding practices? How do you deal with it?

update: this morning I was putting the fruit chews in her lunch and Hubby mentioned that the same baggie kept coming back last week uneaten. M even asked me then not to put so much treats in her lunch so she wouldn't get too full. Annoyed beyond measure, but happy that my little one resisted the pressure and still stopped when she was full...

is emotional eating to blame for unhealthy weight gain?

2010-06-24T06:10:00.000-07:00

Great Ellyn Satter newsletter (#46) on emotional eating. I couldn't say it better, or add much to this, so PLEASE take the time to click over and read it! Tell me what you think!

easy leftover chicken enchilada casserole

2010-06-23T04:53:00.000-07:00

While I'm out of town, here's a recipe for your files!

Whether you roast your own or get a rotisserie chicken, this is an easy supper. (Some stores, Lunds locally sell rotisserie chicken off the bone in the deli department if you're really in a hurry.)

Sorry for the less than appetizing photo. This tastes so yummy we got halfway through the pan before I realized I needed to take a photo!

This is a good one for kids to help with.

Chicken enchilada casserole

4-6 tortillas (white or whole wheat, whatever you prefer)

shredded cooked chicken (1-2 cups-whatever you have)

1 can black beans drained and rinsed

1 can mild enchilada sauce (mild to make it family friendly) or make your own

1/2 med onion chopped

about 1 cup (or more) shredded cheese (any melter will do, part skim mozzeralla, mexican mix...)

Preheat oven to 350 degrees.

Spray bottom of casserole or square pyrex (can adjust layers for size of pan) with nonstick oil or rub some oil with a napkin into the pan. Have kids help tear up tortillas into 2 inch pieces. This can be really rough, not exact.

Heat a pan over medium with 1 Tbspn oil. Cook and stir the chopped onion for about 8 minutes, until soft and glassy. Add the shredded chicken, the drained beans and enchilada sauce (I usually don't use the whole can...) Heat the mix through.

Assembly: arrange 2-3 ripped tortillas to cover the bottom of the dish. Spoon on about half the mix. Sprinkle on about 1/2 the cheese. Arrange ripped tortillas on top, spread the remaining mix on top of the tortillas and spread the rest of the cheese.

Put in the oven and bake about 30 minutes until cheese is melted and bubbling. If cheese gets dark, put top on or cover with foil. All the ingredients are cooked, just need to be heated through.

Add extra spice for the grown ups if needed after everyone serves themselves... This is a great dish that you can assemble in advance and keep in the fridge until ready to heat. Add extra time if it comes out of the fridge. As you make this, you will learn if your family wants more sauce, more cheese etc. Follow recipes the first time through and think about what would make it better... (Maybe try refried beans? add corn into the casserole? make your own sauce?)

M doesn't reliably like this one (but I keep serving it) so I usually serve with sides she really likes like corn and a more filling dessert like pudding.

modeling manners for the tots

2010-06-21T18:27:00.001-07:00

A simple way to get kids used to the language at the table is to model. Even the very little ones who are new to the family table can start to hear the patterns and pleasantness.

This was the phrase I often used and I think helped set the tone for the (mostly) lovely manners we still enjoy years later.

"Would you like some more carrots, or no thank you?"

"Would you like a cracker, or no thank you?"

The almost-toddlers and toddlers may not be able to serve themselves, but when you hold out that cracker or offer carrots you can model the language. With lots of little ones doing sign language, they can often sign for "more" or "all done" pretty early. This was handy for us, and M was adept at the "more" sign pretty early...

When you pass a plate or something to your partner or others at the table, say "please and thank you." Hubby also made a point to thank me for making such a nice dinner, and I thank him when he cooked. It does help to make the table a more pleasant and centered place, which can be tough when little ones are at the table with all the joy, mess and energy they bring!

"but they're baked!"

2010-06-20T12:10:00.001-07:00

I was having lunch at Subway yesterday. It was interesting. M asked to have a smaller sandwich since the last two times we were there she couldn't finish hers (6 inch) We ordered the kids' sandwich which was perfect. She enjoyed picking her toppings on white bread, she had extra pickles, green peppers, lettuce, ham and cheese. She ate a few chips with water. We had had strawberries with whipped cream and angel food cake for a special Father's Day breakfast :)

We are going to a new church and on the way there I said (I admit to trying to sweeten the deal of going to a new church on a sunny day...) "You'll see your teacher Jenny, and then after church we can have the cookies or a cupcake and meet some new friends." She replied, "I already had cake for breakfast. I had enough sweet stuff for today I think." A statement that my four-year-old self would have found crazy! It's interesting to me to see her be able to think about what she feels like eating and be very matter of fact about it. (Though this morning we had crying about why we were not having cake again for breakfast, "No, actually Mom, this is whining, not crying...")

Another family was at Subway and it was painful to watch and listen to. Three boys- and every bite, every choice was argued, and counseled. First the argument for 9 grain bread, then trying to get some veggies on the subs, then the argument over the drink. (OK, chocolate milk) then over the chips, "You know you have to have baked chips, you can have baked Lays or Sun Chips..." Then the kids tried this one, "Mom, can we have cookies, it says they're baked and fresh! That sounds good, right?" Mom shut them down on the cookies, "I know what you're trying to do and it won't work..." Then there was threatening over eating the sub (all three were white bread with turkey,) not just the chips and chocolate milk... Ugh. I felt bad for all of them, mom especially. I always have to stifle the urge to put my card or put a bookmark for Ellyn Satter's, Child of Mine on the table. I have experienced feeding anxieties and am sure mom is not happy about how feeding feels.

It doesn't have to be so hard, and kids will eat better if we let them do their jobs with feeding, stop pressuring and do our jobs with feeding. This Subway eaves-dropping ecperience seems pretty much the norm these days. Do you remember this much attention when we were kids?

On another note, I will be off for a workshop this week, so will be checking in only sporadically. I am getting some great feeding questions via email and blog and will check in with those in the coming weeks.

Kids are smart! Baked? What have your kids figured out? I remember a little girl I was seeing for rapid weight gain when I was in the clinic setting and practicing the standard medical model, and she said to her mom, "Mom, if we get that puppy I always wanted, I would be more active..." Pretty sad and smart.

what are your burning feeding dilemmas?

2010-06-18T10:55:00.000-07:00

I'd like to start a new thread where I will ask you, readers, for your feeding or eating challenges and questions. I'll pick one a month or so to tackle on the blog... Are you game? You can send in the questions on the blog comments (helps others who may be going through the same thing or who might want to chime in with their own suggestions) or submit to my personal email. I won't be able to answer all the feeding questions in person. Please title the email, BLOG QUESTION.

Let's see how it goes!

ignoring the weeds and loving our bodies

2010-06-18T07:18:00.001-07:00

I've spent a bit of time in our yard recently and realized that I don't enjoy it. I only see the weeds. I sit in my swing that I longed for, and pop up after about 3 minutes to pull weeds. Yesterday I walked by the side of the house, bent down to pull a bunch of weeds–my head was 3 inches from some gorgeous and delicate pink roses– but I didn't even notice them. I stood up to move on and caught a hint of their delicate perfume. I stopped. Looked at the roses, bent down and inhaled their fragrance. It calmed me, it made me happy. It got me thinking.

I hear moms say all the time, "I don't want to pass my body issues on to my kids." How many of us spend our lives only seeing our own "weeds" and ignoring our wonderful bodies? Do you look in the mirror and only see the pimple, the tummy roll, the bulge under the bra strap? We miss out on so much wonder and beauty, and spoil the experience of being in the garden ("life"-sorry for the cheesy metaphor) when all we see are the weeds.

It's not easy to turn this around. But here are a few thoughts. Consciously think about good things about your garden-body. At first this will likely take considerable effort, but let's rewire those brains and see what happens!

Write them down if you have to. Five things every day. Like,
1) "I went for a walk today and my feet didn't hurt." (I've had major feet problems over the years.)
2) when I smile, others smile back at me
3) It felt good when I got a hug this morning. M likes sitting on my knee and giving me hugs.
4) My hands can cut a red pepper into one long strip that coils up and is fun to eat.
5) I liked talking to my friend on my walk today, and I wasn't out of breath, even on the uphills

Focus on what feels good, what attributes you are proud of. This is not easy. We have largely been raised in a culture that encourages us to judge our worth based on our appearance, with a wholly unattainable ideal to compare to.

If you worry about passing on a negative body image to your children, maybe fake it at first. Start with being very conscious about not saying things out loud in front of your children. ("I hate my thighs," or "I can't wear a bathing suit with my tummy hanging out...") Both comments I have heard from women varying from sizes 0 to 18. I know I have far fewer "bad body" days since consciously watching what I say and think (it's pretty effortless now) for the sake of my daughter initially, but I have been happier as well.

I'm currently reading "Life Doesn't Begin Five Pounds From Now" by Jess Weiner about stopping the fat talk. I've also read Roth's "When You Eat at the Refrigerator, Pull Up a Chair." which I thought was fine as well. And remember, studies show what we know in our hearts, self-loathing and shame are not good motivators for being happy and taking care of ourselves. So back to the garden metaphor. Take time to smell the roses, and ignore the weeds. Fertilize your little garden with things that refresh and fulfill you. A walk? Some funny TV, spiritual practices, a few minutes with a book and some good chocolate?

A disclaimer: I am not an expert on this issue, and would love to hear from my readers about helpful resources etc. Am I off-base? How have your lives changed if you've been able to "rewire" your brain and forget the weeds, even if just for a little while?

feeding through mood swings

2010-06-17T07:20:00.001-07:00

Do your kids go from delightful to dark from week to week, day to day, minute to minute? Do you look at your partner with pride at her antics and think, "We're doing a good job!" one week only to say, "Do you know what your daughter did today!?"

From what I hear, this is fairly normal, particularly for small children, and their older counter-parts, the tw/eens. Whether it's hormones, growth spurts, or sleep deprivation, it happens and it's normal. But don't let these moods sabotage meals and snacks.

I am picking up M after summer camp these days and no matter what the snack is, she has a mini-meltdown over it. So, as the camp counselor is buckling her in (car pick up due to lack of parking) I get interrogated over the snack which immediately turns into howls of, "I don't like red grapes anymore! They taste like poison!" (Camp counselor smiling, trying to ignore the daughter of the feeding specialist...)

I grin and bear it, "Good to see you too honey!" and largely ignore the behavior. By the time we get home or hit the park things usually blow over and she's ready for the snack that I chose.

Handling the meltdowns:

Remember the Division of Responsibility. It's the framework that will allow you to weather the storms. You decide WHAT (when and where too) they eat. So, it's the grapes with cheese and crackers or nothing... Your child decides if and how much. If she doesn't want the grapes, reassure her that dinner is in a few hours and she can eat again, but only water until then.
Be reliable about structure and balance if you can. I think part of her problem is the snacks at camp are inadequate. A freezie-pop or cinnamon graham crackers is not a balanced snack. Including fat, protein and carb will even out blood sugars and fill their tummies until the next opportunity to eat. I pick her up and I think she's hungry, with low blood sugar after primarily refined carb snacks... (Luckily I get to pack lunch, and I offer an extra snack at pick-up to cover our bases until dinner a few hours later...)
try not to get sucked into the darkness. This is hard. I ignore the behaviors I don't like and reward good behaviors. Stay calm and neutral, especially about the food. It is impossible to rationalize with a kid in this heightened state of agitation. "But you love the grapes! YOU picked them out at the store last night!" will not help...

That's about it for now. Still working on some exciting projects. How do you handle the craziness that is parenting/feeding sometimes? I have found that turning up the radio to drown out the whining is not helping either :)

no harm done? TV weight loss shows. We're all losers.

2010-06-16T10:01:00.000-07:00

TV weight loss shows are all the rage, but of course are doing more harm than good, both to the cast and the audience watching. Here is an interview with one contestant about her experience, the eating disorder it triggered and how she is still not recovered.

gratitude

2010-06-16T01:24:00.000-07:00

Nothing better than a fridge full of yummy food and a meal plan for the next 5 days...

I am grateful, and think it's a lucky problem to have that in my giant (pretty standard these days) fridge I still can't find room for everything. I remember my nieces from Paris would come to visit and literally stand gaping in front of the enormous fridge. (Their kitchen was TINY, and they cooked amazing meals on a double hot-plate, toaster oven and a fridge and freezer that was the size of a medicine cabinet...)

My nieces would marvel at the ice-machine (last house, oh, how I miss the in-door ice dispenser...)

After a few days of eating out (kitchen floor is finally dry and protected) I'm looking forward to cooking again.

Have lots of exciting work stuff going on today, so a brief post :)

dethroning dessert, when bribing with brownies isn't working anymore

2010-06-15T09:32:00.000-07:00

It's a little nuts here. Breakfast on the floor on upturned laundry baskets, antibiotics and the upset tummy to go with it (me luckily, not M) and a house full of dust and toxic floor sealer smells, working out of the local coffee shop...

So, I am linking you to my colleague Kathleen Cuneo's newsletter to my thoughts on "dethroning dessert."

Let me know what you think? Are you a dessert briber? Does it work? Have you given it up recently? Are you afraid to give it up?

serenity in feeding

2010-06-14T01:23:00.000-07:00

Well, summer camp has started, I'm on day two of antibiotics for strep (3rd time in 2 years-any adults out there had their tonsils out? I'm a little nervous...) so I need a little serenity. This is something I've been mulling around for awhile, though probably not the most original.

Feeding kids can feel crazy, from their irrational food preferences that change by the minute, to the societal pressures moms feel to do everything "right" (have a kid who happily eats all fruits and veggies, has impeccable manners, has a BMI between the 25 th and 50th% if she's a girl and between the 75 and 100th % if he's a boy...)

But, there are things with good feeding that we can and can't control. Feeding with the Division of Responsibility is a leap of faith. It's countercultural so you often won't get support from your family or friends, it goes against every media story or cultural norm to suggest that children can be trusted to eat a balance of good foods, get nutritional variety and eat the right amounts of foods, IF we do our jobs with feeding.

So here's my serenity prayer for feeding...

Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change

my child's genetic weight (may be high or low, can be healthy)
my child's temperament
my temperament
my feeding history
my dieting or eating disorder history
finances? kitchen set-up?

courage to change the things I can

feeding without pressure
being reliable about family meals and structure
offering a variety of foods
my attitude about my body
my attitude about others' bodies
my cooking skills
my "picky" eating
focus on healthy behaviors, not numbers on the scale

and wisdom to know the difference

education
trust
seeing those little changes and building faith
reading books, resources, attending workshops...
getting help

(Knowing the difference is the key! This is where I hope to spread the word...)

"somehow we always end up talking about food..."

2010-06-11T07:18:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I was doing some voice over work for a video I'm working on for feeding preschoolers and a lovely woman was sitting next to me. She asked what my video topic was. "I'm a childhood feeding specialist. I help families who are struggling with feeding issues, from picky eating to weight concerns."

She literally rolled her chair over and we started talking. Another mom at Legoland at the Mall of America confided, "Bribing with dessert used to be the only way to get him to eat anything else, and now that's not even working!"

This happens all the time, at the park, the grocery store. People ask what I do, and then the questions begin. These are all well-meaning, loving, hard-working, devoted parents who are stuck with feeding, who experience significant stress around feeding, who get terrible advice, or no advice about feeding, who do what seems intuitive, what was done to them, and what is all around them– and it isn't working. We are investing too much time and emotion, investing a massive effort in trying to feed our children well, when many of our efforts are actually making things worse. Moms tell me how often playdate chatter turns into swapping sneaky recipes or trying to get kids to eat more veggies. "Somehow we always end up talking about food."

I know when I started to have feeding concerns with my daughter, the only reason I was so proactive in getting help quickly is that I saw over and over as a family doctor how the standard model played out, how it didn't work. I thank my lucky stars that I found Ellyn Satter's work.

Families struggle and agonize for years over feeding. I think because this struggle is the cultural norm, there is not the sense of urgency, or even the knowledge that it could be any different. It doesn't have to be so hard! A great resource is Child of Mine, or How to get Your Kids to Eat, both by Ellyn Satter. Still have questions? Give me a call or an email! I just had a lovely session with a mom from Mississippi who had a few questions to clear up. There is just too much bad advice out there (from our own moms to Parent magazines...) It doesn't have to be so hard!

How often do you and other moms end up talking about food issues, picky eating, etc? I wonder again if this is a cultural thing...

children's menus? around the world...

2010-06-10T07:40:00.000-07:00

I wonder, my worldly readers, about Children's menus. Most US restaurants have them, according to readers in China and Switzerland, most restaurants DON'T. Where do you live, and do you have Children's menus? I wonder if it correlates with nutrition info aimed at children?
(My Swiss contact said, no children's menus and no nutrition info aimed at children. Coincidence?)

conflicting messages

2010-06-09T01:21:00.000-07:00

On the junkmail catalog there was a big line on the bottom
"PLEASE RECYCLE"
How about, please don't send me this catalog that I didn't request...

But, I digress, back to food. At the Rainforest Cafe yesterday (first and last visit) the childrens' menu was a PBS "Curious George Hop into Health and Fitness" that made me want to scream.

"KNOW WHEN TO SAY WHOA! Try to avoid too many fried foods as well as sweets or snacks without any nutritional value." it admonishes the Kiddies as they ogle desserts bigger than their heads.

Meanwhile the children's menu offered grilled cheese, dinosaur chicken nuggets, hot dogs, mac n cheese, popcorn shrimp, coca cola products, fries (it did have carrot sticks and corn as an option) and the dessert featured was a volcano of chocolate brownie cakes with ice-cream and a chocolate lava big enough for half a dozen kids at least (menu said serves 2 or more...)

This nutritional info is aimed at small children. This is not OK. Labeling foods as good or bad confuses kids. It is not a child's job to decide what foods to chose, it is his job to decide how much and if to eat it. The focus for kids and food should be variety, good taste, and joy, not fear, shame or avoidance...

I could go on about why we have children's menus in the first place, but that is another post.

I ordered the nachos (gross with a cheese sauce, not real cheese) that was a huge portion for M and I to share and we left most of it behind. M had a mini burger and corn which was buttered so she didn't like it. She only ate half the mini-burger. That morning we had mangoes and tortilla with butter for snack.)

Would you all be willing to scout out "nutrition messages" that are aimed at small children in the next few days and report back? What do you notice? Are there "health" messages that might confuse kids? Pretty pervasive, no?

reality bites, why not forbidding "forbidden foods" works

2010-06-08T01:12:00.000-07:00

As a child, my parents were pretty strict about all things "crap," from Barbies to food. I have vivid memories of begging FOR YEARS for a slushie. You know, those neon red frozen concoctions. While my friends had Shirley Temples or enjoyed slushies poolside, I coveted and whined. I don't remember my first one, so it couldn't have been that great...

Similarly, I remember a vacation in the New Hampshire mountains with relatives who taught at the ski school. I begged for a giant red sucker ALL WEEK. I finally got it, and it was gross. Plain disappointing. I was so embarrassed, and knew my parents would turn it into a lesson of, "We're never getting you crap again," that I ate most of it, ditching the last bit in a snow bank.

Today M and I were at the mall returning some fancy Stride-rites that had broken after 6 weeks and she started whining for a gumball. "Not now," I said, maybe next time. We passed the machines again and the whining began. "OK, we'll come back after lunch." We had a lovely lunch, and she got a grape gum-ball for dessert with her allowance money. She chewed it, made a face and said, "I thought it would taste better." She chewed a few minutes longer and then spit it out. "I'm sorry it wasn't as good as you hoped." She said she'd try cherry next time. Fine by me.

She has tried and been able to make an honest appraisal (she didn't like or finish) a chocolate and-sprinkle-covered donut, a pink frosted cookie at the school picnic, several kinds of candy from Regina's candy store, Oreos (Paul Newman-Os,) and s'mores. She recently handed over a half-eaten Rice Krispie treat, and even a half-finished ice cream cone, just because she was "full." (Would NOT have stopped me as a kid!)

Allowing children to have access on a fairly regular basis to sweets and treats within the structure of family meals and snacks, presented in a pleasant and neutral way with a variety of other great foods takes their power away. I deal with less whining, I trust her to eat something because it tastes good to her, not because she has to prove a point or craves something that is overly controlled.

Do you have any memories of forbidden fruits not living up to the hype? Foods? Experiences as well? That NKOTB concert you begged to go to? The perm you wanted? Sex?

What is a "good eater?"

2010-06-03T05:35:00.000-07:00

My almost 5 yo daughter out of the blue the other night said, "Daddy, good job eating!" My jaw dropped. I can ASSURE you she has never heard anything like that in our home. I imagine this is something someone has said to her at school, perhaps a grandparent, though with all my gentle (mostly) reminders about letting her decide how much to eat, I doubt it was them.

I said, "Why do you think Daddy did a good job?" M replied, "Because his plate is empty."

I was getting up to refill our serving bowls and said, "That doesn't mean he's a good eater. Eating isn't good or bad, you have meals and snacks and eat when you are hungry and stop when you are full, even if your plate isn't empty..."

I hope I am not witnessing the well-studied phenomena that children under 5 will stop when they are full, regardless of the initial portion served, while children 5 and older will finish the entire portion served them, even if it is much more than they would have eaten if they had served themselves.

This notion of praising for eating, or relying on external cues for when to stop eating is not OK with me.

Also, I am curious, Gentle Readers. At what age does a "good eater" go from being a child who will clean their plate, to being a someone who will leave food behind or stop eating before they are satisfied? Crazy, crazy world we live in.

I hate composting, and other things guilt makes me do

2010-06-02T05:39:00.000-07:00

I like the idea of composting. I hate the reality. The flies, making my way through brush to the one spot on our property line between a fence and our garage where we could put it. (The photo shows my crock in the foreground and the composter in the background.) I've dropped my keys in the mess (on the way to a workshop,) I've had slimy crocks on my counter that I feel bad about for not taking out more regularly, and now I have too much "green" to "brown" yard waste and it's icky. Where to get dry yard waste? It's a major hassle, but I still do it. Same with recycling. Our kitchen is so small that the paper and container recycling takes up major space, but I still do it. Washing and re-using plastic bags is another.

Note, I have recently started collecting green scraps in a big bowl which I am more likely to take out regularly and is less gross to clean.

Things I wanted to do because I thought I "should" but couldn't make it happen:

cloth diapers

home-made organic baby food

more public transportation

I also covet a mini-van even though we only have one child. Maybe someday. Not very ecological....

What things do you do because of guilt, because you "should," but that aren't very satisfying on their own?

Mom, what's a "diet?" Dealing with the "D-word"

2010-06-01T04:53:00.000-07:00

Sunday morning I'm reading comics to my daughter and found again that there were at least three that I had to "edit." (Pretty typical for the 'comics' these days.) One was about gastric bypass (the snowman missing the middle ball) another, "Do these pants make my tentacles look fat," and another about dieting. It brought back a comment a reader wrote after my last post.

"I'm livid that we live in a world where a 4 year old is already getting messages about what is and isn't acceptable in terms of body size and food choices! I thought I wouldn't have to start fighting this until about age 10 (which is when I unfortunately discovered dieting).

My 4 year old daughter brought home a "learn to read" book about being healthy...I saw "eat lots of fruits and vegetables"--okay, I can live with that. And "get exercise"--okay. But there it was on page 4: "eat only a little bit of fat" Argh! My daughter was puzzled--what's fat? Why can't I eat it?...
And then a week ago one of the teenage instructors at the ice rink told my daughter that if you eat a lot of pizza you'll get fat (I have no idea what the context was). Suddenly my intuitive eating child is questioning her choices. (read my comments on the blog for my reaction to this gem of an ice-skating teacher...)
So the question is, when the topic comes up how do I talk about dieting in a way that does not encourage the behavior?"

Remember, we're talking about four-year-olds here- they are pretty unsophisticated. (I remember working at a summer camp and getting the kids ready for swim time. The 3 and 4 year olds were all running around naked and one kid had underwear on and they all teased him, "I see your underwear!") My first advice is "EDIT" when possible (notice it's an anogram?) As much as possible, try to edit, or not expose them to notions of dieting, weight loss etc. But, as my reader noted, it is near impossible in the world we live in.

First, when a child asks you about a diet, or fat, or Weight Watchers, ask them what they think. You may learn that they are not really that clued in, or that there is something that you can clarify. EDIT your answer, a 4 year-old doesn't get the complexities, and you need to be careful not to confuse with too much information. Try to stay neutral and pleasant during the conversation. If you are unable, because of issues with the D-word, ask a partner, or trusted adult to take on the issue. Again, a few sentences might be all it takes. I would also be careful not to lie.

Here are a few ideas, then I'd love to hear from you all.

On the topic of eating fat, you could say,

"That book is wrong, and we know better now. Fat is good to eat, we need to eat fat to live. Avocados, nuts, ice-cream, salad dressing and butter have fat in them. Fat can taste pretty yummy! We're lucky we get to eat lots of different foods, including fat."

On "dieting,"

"It means that people don't eat as much as they want, or the foods that they want to eat. They might feel hungry allot. I wouldn't like to feel hungry all day. We don't eat that way in our family. We eat when we are hungry and stop when we have had enough."

"It means that you don't listen to your tummy to decide how much or what foods to eat. When people diet, even if they are hungry, they might not eat. That's not good for your body. A good way to eat is to eat when you are hungry and stop when you have had enough, and to enjoy lots of different kinds of foods like we do!"

Ask your child if that makes sense, and then move on, change the topic.

Older kids will have more of a framework and logical thinking to explore the topic further and I will address that in a future post. I am not a child psychologist, but just a few thoughts! I'd love to hear what you think. It's a great exercise to have the words ready for when the inevitable questions come up... Am I way off base? How have you handled this?

nutrition education overload and the power of peer pressure

2010-05-28T07:19:00.000-07:00

My almost 5 yo daughter suddenly wants to be a vegetarian. I'm getting quizzed if her packed lunch has "meat" (see post on telling kids where meat comes from) or not. The swift onset of the power of peer pressure is awe inspiring. One of the "big girls" (6 year olds) is a vegetarian as is one of the teachers. I asked why she wanted to be a vegetarian and she said, "Because E is."

M loves meat, she loves turkey curry and a wide variety of foods. I assume (hope) that like Princesses and Care Bears this will be a passing interest.

I don't lie, but I don't really come out with all the details. "Is there meat?" To which I will answer, "You have noodles and ratatouille and steak and mushrooms," or, "Just shrimp today." That seems to satisfy her. When she casually said she wanted to be a vegetarian I simply said, "In this family, we eat meat." (Similarly how one can respond to the diet questions, "In this family, we don't diet, let's talk about this some more...")

I found out that at her school, they go around the table talking about what "protein" they have in their lunch. Makes me cringe. M has no idea what protein is. "Is melon protein?" She asked this morning after months of listing lunch-time proteins.

Kids don't need that much information. It's not her job to worry about whether she is eating protein or carbs. It is my job to balance her offerings, and her job to chose to eat them or not. (Division of Responsibility in feeding) Maybe later when she starts to think about planning meals and snacks we will talk about protein and food groups in the name of balance.

For children aged 3-6, a more appropriate questions might be, "What's your favorite thing in your lunch box today, or let's see how many colors we have in our lunch boxes today."

A big problem with nutrition education today is information overload, too much (often useless, even harmful info) too soon. One reader told of her 6 yo girl sitting at lunch counting calories after a nutrition class...

Are your children having "nutrition" lessons? What are they taking from them?

Lovin' my new griddle, do you griddle?

2010-05-27T10:53:00.000-07:00

OK, here's my griddle. Never grew up with one, but I love it!! I can make two McMommy sandwiches at once, or 3 grilled cheese and not have to have 3 pans going, or pancakes in two batches instead of five! My best recent kitchen addition...

Anything that I use and saves time is a big bonus when it comes to feeding a family for years to come!

Do you griddle?

context and appetite: olives for breakfast? Not here, thanks!

2010-05-26T00:30:00.000-07:00

Appetite (meaning in this context your desire, or interest in a certain food) is a funny thing. Recently I asked my readers from around the world what they ate for breakfast. It all sounded so wonderful, but didn't make me go out and buy Serano ham for breakfast, though I imagine if I was in Spain I would devour it with gusto! (We now have folks checking in from 48 countries and territories! Cool!)

Things I loved in very specific places or settings...

1) Lizano sauce-Costa Rican staple (bought bottle on our return, to use it only once or twice...)

2) Branson Pickle (Wales-loved it with crusty bread and Cotswald cheese. Brought home 2 jars that I never ate...)

3) Olives for breakfast-Turkey

4) little tart cornichon pickles, but only with salami and pita bread

5) lunch meats for breakfast in Germany, not so appealing here at home

(in particular a white sausage called Weisswurst that was a major treat when I visited Oma and Opa in Germany. I still seek it out there, but it kind of grosses me out here...)

It's why I look forward to popcorn at the movies, or love creme brulee at a certain restaurant where my husband and I ate when we were "courting." Or why I love a little chocolate or something sweet with my coffee, but otherwise go for salty foods, a specific cheese that I ate in France and couldn't get enough of, but now, eh... It's why telling people to eat certain foods is inherently tricky. Appetite, satisfaction, taste, context, emotions are so intertwined...

What are your "context" foods and why?

update: produce bags verdict

2010-05-25T12:22:00.000-07:00

from my readers, lots of "Yes, tell me about the produce bags too!"

1 works kind of
2 works really well
1 dire warning that produce has to be VERY DRY or its a mess.

I'm convinced! I'm going to give them a try!

the lure of the forbidden, be it poem or dessert

2010-05-25T07:12:00.000-07:00

It's a poem about a little girl who tells a story about being kidnapped. Let's just say I don't like imagining the graphic details about a little girl being chained in a basement. My mind fills in the gaps, and I don't need any help coming up with disastrous scenarios.

So, the first time I read it during night-time routine, I tried casually to say, "Let's read another one" and flipped the page. As Ellyn Satter says, a child can "smell an agenda a mile away."

M protested, but didn't make a fuss. The next time I did the bedtime routine, before we even sat down, she asked for the "jail one." I explained that I didn't want to read that poem, but there were hundreds of others. She replied, "I'll pick out a poem from the index." Harmless I thought (since M can't read or really tell numbers that way) but she went straight to it! (Dad has no problems reading the poem to her apparently.) Every time I read to her, she turns to it, asks for it. Last night there was even a bookmark on that page.

Is her fascination in the rhyme, the picture of a little girl chained up, the imagery, or the fact that I don't want to read it?

I'm guessing the allure is that I have singled it out. It just reminds me of how clever, how tuned-in children are to our agendas.

Are you struggling with foods you may have singled out? Do you talk about "junk foods" or "bad foods" or "red light foods?" Has it lessened or heightened your child's interest? What about your own interest in foods?

When talking with clients, I frequently find that the children who are "obsessed with treats" are the ones where it is often talked about, avoided, controlled, a big deal, forbidden, used for bribery, a production. Even the mildest restriction, like "these are red light foods, so we don't eat them often for our health," can pique a child's interest.

Here's an old post on sweets and treats with some more internal links for dealing with "forbidden foods."

Readers let me know, what are your useless kitchen gadgets? Are "produce bags" one of them?

2010-05-24T05:39:00.000-07:00

I'm as much of a sucker as the next gal. I watch the Slap n Chop infomercials and think, "I could make salsa, lots of it! I use onions all the time, this will make it so much easier!" Ditto the Vidalia chop thingy above. I watch the Food Network occasionally and saw Sandra Lee during Money Saving Meals use it all the time. I forget that the thing is always on the counter, and someone else is there to clean it up. By the time I have gotten up on a chair to get *Gadget down, put it together, wash it, put it back away, it is definitely NOT a time-saver. Maybe if I had a massive kitchen with unlimited storage...

A few batches of salsa later, and a few onions down and the thing is just collecting dust now. My Target Santoku knife does the job pretty well.

Gadgets/extras I have that I don't use:

Slap n' Chop

Vidalia Onion Chopper

lemon juicer (handle thingy)

food processor

bread machine

compost bin (I've taken to just using a big bowl that is easier to wash...)

Gadgets I love:

rice cooker

rotating cheese grater thing (like at Olive Garden)

chip clips

salad spinner

waffle iron

griddle (not a gadget, but a special pan...)

fondu pot (annual cheese blowout, broth and veggies, chocolate dessert)

cheese slicer (handle with a wire)

water bubbler

mortar and pestle (herbs and Chai tea time...)

immersion blender (with little container to "process" food)

Gimmicky thing I really want to buy, but want to hear from you all. Do any of you use those Produce Bags (As Seen on TV!) that are supposed to make your lettuce etc last 5 times longer? Do they work? Are they a gimmick?

whole wheat pasta, or foods I "should" like but don't and why it matters

2010-05-21T05:19:00.000-07:00

Whole grains are "hot" these days. When I menu plan, I try to aim for about half of the grains we eat to be whole grains. Recently I wrote that I truly resent and refuse (as much as possible) to eat foods simply because I "should" (for nutritional or other purposes.)

After a recent success with the whole wheat cookies that are awesome (holding up well in my tupperware on the counter BTW and chosen over a Newman's Oreo by M) I am inspired to try more. But, whole wheat pasta will never gain entry to my pantry again!

Some whole grains I love:

breads (store-bought) the seedier the better
cookies (see above)
oatmeal
barley in soups
brown rice (with stews, soups, chilis)
soba-type noodles made with buckwheat
whole wheat couscous

Some whole grains that I could do without

by far the most reviled is whole wheat pasta (blech, I know I "should" but I don't like it)
brown rice with stir-fries (I just like the sticky white stuff here)
brown rice with sushi (ditto)
Fiber One cereal, or anything like it
breads I have baked at home with mostly whole wheat have disappointed so far, machine and in the oven.
went through a Quinoa phase, and now am not so keen on it. Maybe if I made it in a more inspired way I'd love it. Just seems to fall more in the "I should eat it because it's healthy" category...
Muffins made with high fiber cereals or flours and apple sauce or other fat-reducing strategies. Dry, dry, dry

The list-making is fun, but the issue is relevant. Much of today's nutritional advice is pushing whole grains and other "should" foods, which is problematic on many levels and especially if you lack the cooking skills to know what to do with them. Cooking for a family is hard enough to sustain without bringing dread, guilt, and most of all unappealing foods into the mix. When we denigrate the foods people enjoy and are eating, put them on a "forbidden" list and give them alternatives that they don't like, aren't ready for or don't know they like, we offer little. The "shoulds" and "shouldn'ts" mess people up.

Make a list of the foods you enjoy, can you find a few with whole grains? Are there any of the so-called "should" foods that surprise you? Are you maybe avoiding "should" foods you might like because you resent that "should?" Can you expand that list by trying new foods, eating out or from a friend? (For example, I only tried baking purely whole wheat cookies because I got to enjoy them at the Mill City Museum test kitchen.) Focus on growing your "love it" list in a fun, low-pressure way when you are ready, not on growing your "can't have it" list. (Secrets to Feeding a Healthy Family by Satter has a great rundown on how to expand the picky adult palate.)

What am I missing? Do you have some whole grains you love and think I should try? I have not yet experimented with groats, and the more exotic grains. Convince me...

Or commiserate with your most-hated "I know I should but can't" foods...

Kids labeled as overweight are LESS likely to be physically active: implications for Let's Move

2010-05-20T09:53:00.000-07:00

Here's a post from Kataphatic that is a great example of a point I make in my workshops all the time: Children who are labeled as overweight (regardless of BMI) are less likely to be physically active.

"I didn’t hate gym class until I was in fourth grade, when the gym teacher singled me and several other fat kids out for extra gym classes and an “exercise worksheet” that I had to do at home (sit ups, push ups, stuff like that). Oh the shame of having to hang that thing on the fridge, not only as a visible reminder to the whole family that I was a fatty fat fatty, but also to remind me every time that I wanted to eat anything out of the fridge that I was a fatty fat fatty (hello eating disorder!)."

This is but one example of how we are harming more than helping with our efforts to combat the "childhood obesity epidemic." It is one of many that I have heard. It's not a stretch to think that schools will be doing more of this.

One of the Obama's Let's Move summary recommendations states: Developers of local school wellness policies should be encouraged to include strong physical activity components on par with nutrition components. (Oh, and pediatricians and dentists should measure BMI and be sure to do obesity prevention at every opportunity... More labels anyone?)

Take this next quote into account as well from Jon Robison PhD in an article, "The Childhood obesity epidemic," what is the real problem and what can we do about it? about the very people who will likely be developing those "wellness" policies...

“In a recent study, teachers who were most likely to be involved in a childhood obesity prevention program demonstrated a low level of knowledge related to nutrition and weight control and a very high level of body dissatisfaction and self-reported eating disorders.“ He goes on that eighty-five percent of the teachers recommended very low calorie diets (one of the most discredited diet strategies of all with a greatest potential to harm) to adolescents- many of whom were also in their adolescent growth spurt.

Just saying. Kataphatic brings it home. Generalizing and funding a wide-scale repetition of her experience makes me want to scream (and home school.)

On another note, I still remember as part of the Presidential Fitness program (which Let's Move is trying to expand, expand, expand) I had my skin-fold measured which we were told measured body fat. Though I was crazy fit and swam and ran competitively, I had the highest measure. I still remember Mr. B announcing it and feeling embarrassed and confused. I can only imagine if I was bigger or was teased how that would have compounded things. The point is, it was a big deal. It is etched on my memory. (My friend and track rival had the lowest level, which was also a boasting point for her...) How pointless it all was, with such potential for harm.

What were your experiences in school around weight and physical activity? Did well-meaning interventions hurt you?

Sneaky chef or using leftovers?

2010-05-19T11:24:00.000-07:00

I love carrots and peas, but not the leftovers so much. I had not meal planned and was scrounging around for dinner. The last two times we ate out were such a pain in the butt that I am on a break for awhile– long waits, mixed up orders, too much money for the value (Bucca di Beppos.)

Anyway, so I found a pound of grass-fed ground beef (was $4 a pound, so is a cheaper way to do grass fed...) in the freezer, an onion and tomato sauce.

I thawed the beef, chopped and sauteed the onion, added the tomato sauce, a teaspoon of Italian herbs, a little salt, sugar and pepper and simmered away stirring occasionally.

What to serve for side? The leftover carrots were staring at me in the fridge and making me feel guilty. I dislike throwing out food, but I really dislike eating unappealing food just because "I should"- for any reason (nutritional or otherwise.)

So, I tried mashing up the carrots and peas and stirred them into the sauce. (I have a crappy food processor and it's hard to get out of the cupboard, so I just hand mashed it.)

Verdict?

The sauce was awesome! M ate it, even D ate it and he's not a fan of ground beef. M noticed some chunks of carrots in there. She asked, "Why are there carrots in here?"

I said, "That's how I made them tonight. Tell Daddy about your playdate!" She went right on eating.

Feeding tip:

I get the question about "sneaking" foods into mac n cheese or brownies a lot. In general, I don't think it's a great idea. If you are "sneaking" or "tricking" then there isn't the expectation of mastery. Woe is the mom whose kid finds out about the spinach in the brownies! It can REALLY backfire and slow down the process of learning to like new foods. (Plus, what a hassle! Moms describe having to grind up foods at night, or secretly, and be sure to hide any evidence of the offending agent.)

My concession would be if you are dealing with serious sensory integration or texture acceptance or medical/oral motor issues, or if your child is nutritionally not cutting it, then supporting good feeding practices with purees or smoothies is an option during the transition.

For most typically developing kids going through a picky stage or reacting negatively to feeding pressure, sneaking hurts more than it helps. I would also be very careful not to lie, remember the feeding model I work and live in isn't called the Trust Model for nothing!

Purees can boost the nutritional value and flavor, so feel free to use them, but remember to check in with your motives and if you are sneaking to add flavor and variety and boost nutrition, or to get around working on feeding issues or taking the easy road (for now.)

If you sneak, be sure to keep offering the real thing over and over, without pressure in a pleasant and structured setting (preferably family meals) so your kids can learn to like new foods.

Do you have sneaky confessions? Do you "sneak" and will you keep doing it? Did it help in a transition period?

Whoa! Whole wheat? spice cookies!

2010-05-18T11:22:00.000-07:00

I'm not much of an adventurous baker, but this weekend, after a gorgeous walk on the Stone Bridge in Minneapolis with the family, and a great time at the Mill City Museum exhibit (GREAT for kids), we stopped off in their Betty Crocker bakery where the aroma was simply too enticing. They often have samples, and these were a surprising treat. Crunchy but chewy and everyone loved them. So after lunch, since I couldn't get work done due to neighbor's Heavy Metal loving work-crew, I thought I would bake these.

These are the first thing I have baked with 100% whole wheat flour that I have really liked. Whole wheat is very popular these days, what with the nutritional benefits and all, and the good news is you and your kids will actually like these.

A darling little girl was copying the recipe very carefully and slowly, so I leaned over her shoulder and snapped a few pictures of the recipe. All I know is it's vintage Betty Crocker. I didn't get the name of the cookie or the book...

I'll call them,

Whoa! Whole wheat? Spice Cookies!

1 1/2 sticks butter (unsalted)

1 cup sugar

1 tsp baking soda

1/2 tsp salt

1 1/4 tsp cinnamon (note teaspoons, not Tablespoons...)

3/4 tsp allspice

1/2 tsp ground ginger (powder)

1/4 cup molasses

1 egg

2 cups whole wheat flour

Preheat oven to 350. Grease cookie sheets.

Beat butter, sugar, baking soda, salt and spices in bowl until smooth. Then beat in molasses, egg, then flour. Refrigerate for 30 minutes up to 24 hours (cover.) (I did mine for about 15 and it was fine...) Scoop out cookies with Tablespoon measure (a little less) and put on sheet. Bake for 11-12 minutes. (I did mine for 11 each time on the nose. They are a little puffy, but almost instantly will deflate and get the nice cracks on top.) SOOO good!!!

These will be M's after school snack with some milk and banana.

Do you have whole wheat recipe favorites?

Is Gramma's baking ruining your hard work with feeding? Guest article on consistency and feeding.

2010-05-17T05:29:00.000-07:00

You've read about feeding strategies in my blog. You know my family thrives on routine and the Division of Responsibility. But, you also have read about how we had ice-cream for breakfast over vacation. Next week, when M stays with Gramma and Grampa for the first time for a whole weekend, my only feeding instructions are, "don't limit her or try to cut her off if she says she's still hungry." I know they've seen our routine, and will stick with the rough timing of meals and snacks (because M behaves better that way) but I honestly am OK with it if they eat ice-cream and mac and cheese every day. It gets to the idea of consistency, joy, living a real-world life. Now, if M were there every weekend, I would think differently... What are your feeding challenges with daycare, care-givers or family who feed your child differently than you might like? Read on for some thoughts on consistency and feeding by my colleague Kathleen Cuneo P.h.D.

We’ve all heard it: good parenting requires consistency. Does that mean that you have the same consequences and deliver them exactly the same way each and every time? Does it mean that you must be rigid with your children?

In my work over the years with children and families, what I have found most important with regard to consistency is that parents have a framework that is clearly communicated to their children about what behaviors are expected and what is unacceptable. When decisions about discipline are based on variables like the parents’ mood, the setting, or other changing factors, consistency is harder to maintain.

That said, 100 percent consistency is nearly impossible and parents tend to feel guilty when they’re not 100 percent consistent. This type of guilt is usually wasted energy. Almost all children can handle a little inconsistency and still learn what is expected of them. The degree of inconsistency that can be tolerated, however, varies from child to child. In general, children learn from authentic, attuned engagement with their parents, and that’s just not 100 percent the same every time.

The most destructive patterns with inconsistency generally occur when there is inconsistency between the adults involved in caring for the child. When parents and daycare providers, mothers and fathers, or parents and heavily involved grandparents differ significantly in their approach to discipline or routines with children, it can lead to confusion, anxiety, and/or disruptive behavior.

Ellyn Satter’s division of responsibility in feeding provides a framework for adults to approach the feeding relationship between caregivers and children. The division of responsibility model requires caregivers to develop and maintain some structure in the timing of meals and snacks . It also requires a consistent dedication to making varied food offerings available and a commitment to family meals and not pressuring the child to eat more or less than she is hungry for.

But what happens if Alexa goes to a family gathering and ends up filling up on snacks all day? What happens if David spends the weekend with his grandparents who caters to his every food desire or Julia drinks soda and eats lots of sweets at a birthday party? Most children can handle these time-limited inconsistencies and still develop healthy eating habits. Most children respond positively when the usual routines are resumed. Further, since these short-term disruptions in routine and challenges will be present throughout our lives, it’s important to begin to learn how to handle them from an early age.

What is more potentially damaging to developing healthy eaters are ongoing, significant differences among those caring for and feeding children. It’s vital that the adults deeply involved in raising the child be largely on the same page with regard to feeding for lifelong healthy eating patterns. Clearly, this type of interpersonal consistency isn’t always easy to achieve given the realities and limitations of our lives, but I would argue that it’s definitely worth trying for the sake of our kids.

Kathleen Cuneo, Ph.D. is a psychologist, parent coach, and mom. Her mission is to empower parents to find their own parenting voice and develop strong connections with their children. Her parenting e-newsletter and free report, “30 Things You Can Do To Raise Self-Confident, Compassionate Children,” are available at www.drcuneo.com. Dr. Cuneo is also the director of Dinner Together, LLC which offers consultation to families seeking to have more frequent, successful family meals and deal with the challenges of picky eaters. Sign up for her free e-newsletter at www.dinnertogether.com.

things I used to peel but don't anymore and things I can't believe people don't peel

2010-05-14T05:18:00.000-07:00

Things I used to peel but don't anymore:

carrots- Thanks to chef and cook-book author-extraordinaire, Brenda Langton of Spoonriver who looked at me funny when I mentioned , "I taught a cooking class for my diabetic patients, and most had never chopped an onion or peeled a carrot."

"You don't have to peel carrots, especially if they are organic," she said. Liberated!

I was googling a picture of "carrots" to go with this post, and "Carrot-top" (for my overseas friends, a not very funny comedian from the 1980's) popped up. Enjoy the flashback!

mushrooms: don't ask me why, my mom did it when I was growing up, so I thought that's what you did...

asparagus: again, thanks mom...

Things I can't believe people don't peel (OK, I could only come up with one, it's Friday, folks!)

kiwis

What do you peel or don't peel?